Plugs

Two radio shows tomorrow:

-The New Breakfast Snob , 1 pm to 3 pm EST

-River City Limits (Locals) 5 pm to 7 pm

Streaming.

Got some treats and stuff...

Monkey News

Have you heard the old saw about Infinite Monkey Theorem? Infinite Monkey Theorem postulates that if you have an infinite number of monkeys controlling an infinite number of robots, eventually the monkeys will use the robots to decimate and enslave humanity.

If you force monkeys to do your dirty work, it's only a matter of time before they turn on you.


From what I've heard, there isn't much in Scott McClellan's new book that we shouldn't already know- McClellan claims that BushCo used deceit and propaganda to lead us into an unjustifiable and unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation. He also tells us that the White House covered up the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame.

Well, duh.

The GOP talkers are quick to point out that it took McClellan a long time to speak out...they wonder why didn't he say something while he was in the White House?

Geez. I was vehemently against the war from the very first mention of Iraqi WMD but I was afraid of expressing my opinion because my boss was a raving Republican and I felt it would endanger my job as the manager of his shoe store...I imagine McClellan was also a bit intimidated by his boss.


One interesting tidbit from the book: McClellan claims that President Bush said "he couldn't remember" if he'd ever used cocaine.
Dude.
That's like saying: " yeah, I did coke but it's not my fault because I was drinking on a daily basis at the time."

My mother once had a bottle of absinthe. One day the bottle turned up empty and neither my mom nor myself could remember what happened to it. In fact, we couldn't recall the past 24 hours at all.
We never did find out what happened to the absinthe.

The Sun : A Bright Spot

The sky will fall on December 21, 2012. Or maybe the 22nd.

There are sites that sorta explain it. One site quotes a real NASA report that states:

Many forecasters believe Solar Cycle 24 will be big and intense. Peaking in 2011 or 2012, the cycle to come could have significant impacts on telecommunications, air traffic, power grids and GPS systems. (And don't forget the Northern Lights!) In this age of satellites and cell phones, the next solar cycle could make itself felt as never before."

The rather alarming headline on the non-NASA site:
NASA Announces 2012 Destruction Probable

Dude! Ahhhhh!!! Run!!!

NASA made no such announcement.
What NASA said is that solar activity, which according to predictable cyclic movements is due to peak in 2011 or 2012, may have a significant impact on modern electronic communications. Losing your Wi-Fi sucks. It is not, however, the end of the world.

The author interprets "2011 or 2012" thusly:

I find it quite a coincidence that this major happening is forecasted (sic) for 2012, as this exact timing correlates to the ancient Mayan prediction of the end of the dimension.

Pardon my English, but "2011 or 2012 " is not an "exact time" at all- it's a vague range of dates. And what does "end of the dimension" mean anyway?


The site will also sell you mp3 files that will give you "Psychic Powers" if you download them-for a fee...I see a rip-off in the future.
That's the bad news.
The good news?
There isn't much future left.
The future, as everyone who isn't me knows, is scheduled to end on or around 12/22/2012.


See, there are some Cosmic Alignments taking place in 2012.

- There will be a Transit of Venus across the Sun, an event so rare that it hasn't happened since 2004.

- There will be, as noted above, an usually active period of solar magnetism; a Solar Maximum, as described by NASA. This hasn't happened since 1958.
We might see awesome Northern Lights and experience really crappy cell-phone coverage.
My advice: Stock up on ammunition, barbed-wire and books.

- According to experts, there will be a Galactic Alignment - the winter solstice Sun will align with the Milky Way's equator or something...NASA is trying keep this information under wraps, which sort of proves that it's gonna happen...the Government Eggheads don't want us to know, but it's too late...the secret is out.
According to expert interpretation of ancient Mayan astronomy, the Alignment will occur on Dec. 21st (or the 22nd), 2012- the final day of the Mayan Calender, give or take thirty-six years.

-My Car Talk desk calender ends on 12/31/2008. This is pretty close to 12/22/2102.
Nine days and four years, to be precise.
Nine plus four equals thirteen.
According to experts, 13 is a magickal number.
Quite a coincidence, eh?

- This Alignment will place us in the path of a Comet/Planet named Nimburu. NASA recently sent an unmanned probe (code name Deep Impact) to a comet's surface - allegedly for the sake of so-called "scientific research". The real mission was to test the feasibility of planting a nuclear 'bunker buster' bomb under the comet's surface...if successful, this technology will be used in a vain attempt to prevent NIMBURU from smashing into the Earth and turning us all into fossil fuel, just like it did to the dinosaurs.

-Some experts claim that the World is gonna End. This might be true if your life depends on GPS technology...winter of 2012 will be a bad time to be lost in the woods. Even a traditional compass might not work, the earth's magnetic field might be all fuckity...you could try to get your bearings from the stars, but the Earth might be shifted on it's axis, so even if you know how to navigate old school, the stars won't be where they should be...or they'll be obscured by a fiery, toxic, earth-encompassing cloud of post-collision soot and debris.
My advice: Choose your 2012 winter vacation site wisely. Deep underground or off-planet is best.

The 'glass half-empty' crowd can concern itself with the short-term inconveniences produced by a comet-induced global extinction, but I think it's better to be optimistic about such things- every life-smothering cloud of inter-planetary dust has a silver lining if you look hard enough.

To an oil-dependent optimist, the idea of a Earth/comet collision is good news, because oil is actually a renewable resource. Fossil fuels are called "fossil" because they are composed of old, dead things. In the 'big picture', oil is the ultimate Biofuel- it can be made from just about everyone, given enough patience and sacrifice.

Sure, it will be difficult on us , our kids and their grand-kids, but ten million generations from now our descendants will once again have cheap, plentiful gasoline.
They will enjoy this ample supply for roughly one hundred years; after which a comet once again hits Earth, everyone dies and the 250 million-year cycle begins anew, give or take a few years.

Let's take the far-thinking approach.
The driver of today is the gasoline of tomorrow.
Together we can be the future.

Look to the stars.
See ya in the tank.

Logg Cabbin, M.D.

Mark Fail

Shameless Plugs

"We are quite different, yet I am drawn to you. I am powerless over this feeling."

"I know. It feels as if we were somehow made for each other."




"You are so beautiful...being with you turns me on."

Oh, just shut up, already.




"I have an idea."

"You talk too much."






Oh. Oh. Oh.




"Mmmmm...I could get used to that."

"Wow. You remind me of my ex-boyfriend. He really changed after we got married, though."





" Oh...Gosh! It's almost one o'clock! I need to leave."

"Call me."





***************************************


The New Breakfast Snob, Saturday May 17th

Every Saturday at 1pm EST...man, I went from the worst time spot to the best one...cool.
My thanks to everyone involved!



Dread Zeppelin- The Immigrant Song
What the world really needs is a reggae- styled Led Zeppelin tribute band with an Elvis impersonator as the lead singer. They broke up, I think...'tis pity.

Al Stewart- On The Border
It has been many years since I have seen Casablanca. I'd like to watch it sober.

Badfinger- Come and Get It

Peter Tosh - No Sympathy

Jonathan Coulton- Skullcrusher Mountain

I met Mr. Coulton via my imaginary friend , John Hodgman. Jonathon writes the best Dungeons and Dragons lovesongs , ever. You can listen here- for free!

Ken Nordine- Flesh
I love this bizarrely enlightened poem. It's from a REsearch CD that a DJ pal gave me.

Flogging Molly - Cry of the Celtic

The Proclaimers- Irish Girls Are Pretty
Yes, they are. That's why there are so many great songs about them.

Damien Dempsey- Your Pretty Smile
Irish girls are pretty.

Ringo Starr- No No No Song

A ten-pound bag of cocaine? Those were the days.
Don't do drugs.

Sweet- Love Is Like Oxygen

Alan Parsons- I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You
You are drunk. That's sad.

Bruce Cockburn- Lovers in Dangerous Times
Got to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight

Amen to that.

10 CC- Art for Art's Sake
In the kitchen, in the hall...against every wall...
...money for God's sake...

Big Mountain/UB40- Baby I Love Your Way
This started with Humble Pie?

The Beatles- Abbey Road Medley( You Never Give Me Your Money...She Came In Through The Bathroom Window)
This, to me, is some of the best Beatles, ever. It's just a string of unfinished song bits worked into a ten-minute jam session...brilliant, really.

Butthole Surfers- Pepper

I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugary
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through other people's eyes

Nina Hagen- Smack Jack

This is one of the best anti-heroin songs of all time...man, her voice is twisted and brilliant. Too bad she found Jesus...no more Nunsexmonkrock from the Eastern Bloc.

The Kinks- Rock and Roll Fantasy
I am a background character in this song- it's written by Ray Davies to his brother and band-mate, Dave.

Sugarcubes- Sick For Toys
Solar power is the wave of the future, baby!

Montrose- Space Station # 5
This bangs my head.

T. Rex- 20th Century Boy
I need to get a bicycle helmet.

Frank Zappa- Dirty Love
Like a dragon in your dreams

Hot Tuna -Serpent of Dreams
The serpent of your expectations sleeps a nervous dream

*****************************************


My next trick: Removing the dust bunny from this live socket using a pair of metal tweezers.

Lone Star Romance

(If you click the pic, you'll be taken to a slide show featuring the entire comic)

This here is an unfinished rough draft of a comic that I wrote in the late nineties, art by Richard Menustik. I found it at the bottom of box of old books as I cleaned my apartment today.
I chopped it into a slide show for your amusement. I had forgotten this comic (but not the story)...
I suddenly feel like doing comics again. Too bad my drawings suck.

Note: It's much easier to read it if you hit "pause" and advance the slides manually.

Mnemosyne's Tenth Daughter

You are my words
My sounds, my storms
Held
Without touch, released
Held
Fragile needs
Tell
Every story
Hear
Every song
Unknown, unheard
Unbound, forming
You are my words

What Now?

Uhm, yeah...that'll happen...I hope not.

*************************

I'm in the Obama camp, but I think that the longer Hillary stays in the race, the better. The current buzz about how this long, painful campaign is "tearing apart" the Democratic Party is overwrought and incorrect- the American voter doesn't have much in the way of long-term memory and the intramural mudslinging of today will be forgotten by November- there are actually some very good reasons to continue the Democratic contest all the way to the end:

- Each State primary so far has seen an unprecedented registration of new voters, the majority of which lean toward the Democrats.

-More primaries=more new voters= more Democratic votes.

- One can rest assured that there is a 'Swift-Boat' style smear campaign being readied for use against Obama. Sen. Obama has done well so far, heading off any "did you inhale?" nonsense by admitting that, yeah, he got high once upon a time ( who hasn't?)...and he acquitted himself nicely on the ridiculous Reverend What's-his-name kerfluffle...but who knows what sort of dirt the GOP smear machine has unearthed?
A series of lurid sexual accusations, with or without factual basis?
A business contract or court case that left someone feeling burned,real or imagined?
A Polaroid of Obama wearing a lampshade on his head and waving a bong around?


-Whatever ammunition they will find or fabricate, the Republicans will probably keep it quiet until the Democratic nomination is decided. If a damning thing exists, the odds that it gets prematurely leaked increase the longer the campaign drags on; the sooner it gets out, the sooner the target-presumably Obama- can respond and attempt to defuse it. I can only hope that the Democrats learned a lesson from John Kerry's lose-at-any-cost strategy...

-I'm glad Hillary went 'negative' on Obama. If he can't survive an attack from the Clintons, he certainly can't survive the merciless Republican assault that will begin in earnest once the Dem race is decided. If something in his character or past makes him unelectable, let's get it out now while there's still another horse in the race.
Assuming Obama is the nominee, he can weaken any Republican regurgitation of Clinton attacks by simply accusing the GOPers of repeating the "lies" of Hillary Clinton...

If Hillary can pull out the nomination by pandering to the "hard-working white voters", then she will prove that America isn't ready for a Black President. Better we learn that lesson now than in November. It would be a bitter pill but not a surprising one.

- The polls stating that x percentage of one Democratic hopeful will not vote for the other Democrat in the national election are irrelevant. As I said, the American voters suffer from collective ADD and these polls are merely snapshots of a fleeting 'sour grapes' moment... Democrats (and Americans in general) are a lot more united in their desire to cast off the Pall of Bush than the TV talkers realize. In November, the people who voted in the primaries will support the Dem- whomever it turns out to be.

- The longer the campaign runs, the more time and consideration can be put into the Vice-Prez choice...no decision needs to be made until the nominee is official. It's impossible to deny that Clinton has the credentials for the position, but I doubt that'll happen, despite the already considerable pressure for Obama to choose her...will she accept, even if offered? Unlikely.
In any case, I doubt that adding her to the ticket will bring many independent and moderate McCain-leaning votes to the left, it may even alienate more than a few voters...Obama would be better served by choosing a moderate white male Veep, preferably one with unassailable military bona fides- former Navy Secretary and current Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA), comes to mind...retired General Wesley Clark is another.

There Is Always Hope

As Obama is prone to saying, there is hope. I hope the Republicans do something so monumentally stupid that it ruins any hope they have for the fall.
What would suffice?

Imagine this somewhat far-fetched scenario:
Obama wins and nominates Clinton as his running mate. McCain, in a vain attempt to embrace the 'diversity' vote, nominates Sec. of State Condeleeza Rice as his VP. As a result, the bigoted and/or sexist voter will have no one at all to vote for- one ticket has a black and a woman and the other party has a black woman. Stay home and watch the race on TV, skip the election...

On the downside, a McCain/Rice ticket is so abominable that it might actually win. Just in case, here's a picture of Condi dancing half-naked on the coffins of Iraq War casualties. It's obviously a fake, but so what? The 'Swift Boats for Truth' were obvious liars and they wrecked Kerry in 2004.



Don't forget to vote.

Never Mind

I spent this morning taking a series of on-line PC skills tests for a temporary employment agency...
I'm in the top ten percentile! Top five on most...I'm advanced.

Does this mean that I have a job? No.

But I'd be good at it if I had one.

Won't You Try Saturday Afternoon?

Hot Diggity! I'm where I belong: on the air. My show has been moved from early Sunday morning to Saturday afternoon at 1PM. I've been doing Sundays for over a year-and-a-half and it's been fun, but I much prefer Saturday. I had a great many supportive and enthusiastic callers today as well as getting to see some of my favorite radio folks in person. The station is fairly busy in the afternoon; I'm unaccustomed to seeing many people at dawn on Sundays.On the downside, I'll have to do my show fully clothed from now on.

On the upside: I don't have to wake up at 6 AM tomorrow.

I'm gonna go out and stay up late! Rawk!

(Actually, I'll probably wind up watching Battlestar or playing Civ IV. In real life, I'm a dork- I only play a hipster on the radio.)

The New Breakfast Snob: May 11, 2008:

Marianne Faithfull- What's The Hurry?
I was pissed off that I was rejected for a recent night-time radio spot. Now I see the folly of my frustration. A little patience and *poof* - the perfect spot is now mine!
Why hurry? Why worry?

Stranglers- Nice and Sleazy
Goddamn. This song has one of my all-time favorite bass tones. It's got sac.

Alvin Lee- Education
Right before this song, I aired a Public Service spot featuring Donny Osmond, my ninth-favorite Mormon...Donny is correct when he tells us that musical education is extremely healthy for a child's mind and spirit...
Man, I'm in such a good mood that I'm singing the praises of Donny fucking Osmond!
Alvin Lee rocks...he's the "I'd love to change the world, but there's nothing I can do" guy...still jammin' today; Ten Years After and all that...

Breeders- Bang On
It took six years to record this? This is only two minute long- and a minimalistic 120 seconds at that. No matter. I love a short burst of Rock Chicks.

Jefferson Airplane- Won't You Try Saturday Afternoon?
"I will give you capsules of blue and yellow sunlight"
What does that lyric mean? I dunno, but I do know that this record sounds great on LSD .
Don't do drugs.

Sleater- Kinney- Banned From the End of the World
Another short burst of Rock Chicks. Great band, the Twin gave me this CD, turned me onto them.

Faces- Ooh La La
Granpa gets the lowdown on the Rock Chick scene. The Faces were amazing...better than that other band, IMO.

Pretty Things - Office Love
I met my last 'real' GF at work. She still owes me $500 in bail money from the night before we broke up.

Sugarcubes- Top Of The World
Say what you will about Bjork- but who can resist her when she sings the Carpenters? Not me, that's for sure. Now where is my Superstar bootleg? It's the Karen Carpenter story...the parts are played by Barbie and Ken dolls. It's quite powerful, really. Not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

Jamie Lidell- Out of My System
This is brand-new; nice soul a la Otis Redding. The good R&B.

Bob Dylan- Jokerman
Bob loves my show. He called to tell me. Different Bob.

Capt. Beefheart- Nowadays A Woman's Gotta Hit A Man
Men, you been lookin' all around for the women
But they always been right there
Nowadays a woman has to haul off and hit a man
T' make him know she's there
Other night a woman came up 'n hit me
Like I wasn't even there

Mike Watt- Against The 70's
The kids of today should defend themselves against the Seventies
Good advice from former Minuteman (the band, not the militia) Mike Watt.

Neil Young- Let's Impeach The President
Excellent advice from old Mr. Young.

Bruce Cockburn- If I Had A Rocket Launcher
See the song directly preceding this one? Nuff' said.

Soft Boys- The Asking Tree
I don't know much but I sure can tell
Your porky soul is gonna fry in hell
The grease will spit
and the fat will roll
like a hamburger
that's all your soul is worth: processed beef clippings
Tear the skin right off of me
and hang it on the Asking Tree

PJ Harvey- Working For The Man
I met my real-life friend Schlep via Blogger. He recently posted about both Bjork and P.J. Harvey...I already played my Bjork du jour, here's Polly J. I hope you have a good sub-woofer.

The Buzzcocks- Why Can't I Touch It?
Why indeed? Just grab the damn thing already. See?
Now how hard was that? Sheesh...

Firewater- Mr. Cardiac
I played a Public Service Announcement about preventing heart attacks...now this song.
It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Cardiacs- There's Good Cud
Schlep turned me onto this indescribable band.

Leo Kottke & Mike Gordon- Sweet Emotion
This version of the Aerosmith chestnut is my new all-time favorite cover song. Oh my, it's sweeeee

Gong- Raindrop Tablas
21 seconds of tablas, just long enough to cue up the next song.

Damien Dempsey- Negative Vibes
You should check out Damien Dempsey.
"I'm never going to let your negative vibes and comments get through to my psyche"
Like an Irish Bob Marley, Damo is.

Bad Religion- Sorrow No More
Sorrow Floats. Name that book.

Steeleye Span- All Around My Hat
Hooray for Hat!

Klark Kent- Excess
This song is about getting wasted and embarrassing oneself.
My excesses have gotten the best of me/I'm ready to go home
I don't need drugs or alcohol in order to embarrass myself.
I'm a man. That's enough.

AVG 8.0: A Warning

UPDATE: I've seen posts on user forums that have the same problem as outlined below- some of the posts date back to 2005, so I doubt AVG is the culprit. Still, you might wanna leaf through some of these forums before updating.



Do you use AVG 7.5 anti-virus software? If so, good. I used to use AVAST!, but after losing my entire hard drive to a Trojan that AVAST! missed, I switched to AVG and I have been quite happy with it...so when they offered a new version- 8.0- I was like, hell, yeah! Sign me up!

Um.

First, I noticed it includes a toolbar. Toolbars tend to be viral as fuck-all, they are to be avoided whenever possible...I also saw that it includes a 'safe search' feature, which is supposed to alert you before you visit a web-site that is infected with drive-by download.
This feature, according to user comments on the AVG forum, works by temporarily downloading and scanning all the pages returned by your Google search. I have a very old PC and it sloooowed waaaaay down as a result. Blogs and sites with photos and/or video took forever to load, often missing elements...aaargh!
My CPU usage went from 0%- 3% up to 15%-25%
Note:You can see your CPU usage by opening Taskmanager, (clt+alt+delete)

It got worse. When I tried to do a Google search (for song lyrics), I received a 403 Forbidden Error Message- Google accused me of being an automated spambot program and/or a virus and I was forced to enter a CAPTCHA (word verification) before conducting the search...I followed all the instructions- I ran scans (all clean!), deleted my cookies and my browser cache, re-installed Firefox, cleaned my Temp files...and I STILL got that goddamned 403 Error.

Ah-ha...I read a forum post where a user speculated that the program AVG uses to scan your search results is seen as 'mass-spambot activity' by the Google engine; this makes sense- it IS scanning 10 or more sites at one time, after all.

So I looked all over the web for a reliable download of AVG 7.5 in order to switch back. Not to be found- the links for 7.5 all led to 8.0.
Fuckity.

Ah-ha! I had sent the 7.5 installer to my Recycle Bin way back in March! I disconnected from the Web, deleted 8.0 and re-installed 7.5, then re-connected my DSL and updated AVG.

Google has re-opened it's gates to me! My PC is smooth again!

So, if you are considering updating, I strongly suggest that you save 7.5 before you do so.

I hope a patch or new version is coming soon, but for now, I'm sticking with 7.5. I also hope AVG keeps updating it.

__________________________

Today is the debut of my newest Radio Program: Elastic Rock.
I'm now on Saturday afternoons at 1 pm EST, a truly prime-time spot!
Stream it here, if you wish. Two-hours of diverse musical excellence and oddities , played for you, ,my beloved Oddience.

(Tip o' the scalp to the redoubtable Donn for the term 'Oddience'...I can certainly use that word! Thanks Donn!)

Fissure, Cut , Bait

Um, er...a while back I met this woman on the internet, right? We exchanged a few emails and very quickly she asked this question:

Do you believe?

I replied: Do you mean "in God" ? No. I am a secular humanist and a scientific rationalist.

I figured that would end our correspondence but it didn't. Instead , she wrote back with an invitation to frolic, saying that she didn't believe in God per se , but she had a "strong spiritual side"...was I OK with that?

I can grok. Sorta.

I think that most of us have moments where the Cosmos seem to open wide and say: "See? This is special and it's for you."
I have had a few of these, some good, some not; they have usually been triggered by life-or-death situations, but I digress...

The feeling that one gets during such an epiphanic episode can easily be described as spiritual; the insights gained can change the core of one's consciousness (or soul, or spirit, whichever term you prefer), which in turn leads to a profound change in the way one thinks, which, in turn leads to significant changes in behavior. This process is sometimes referred to as 'enlightenment'.

It's my opinion that this rush of 'spiritual' awareness is simply the by-product of chemicals released in the brain during moments of intense neural imprinting, that the mind is literally creating new pathways for the intra-cranial transmission of thoughts and that it is the chemicals released during these bouts of cerebral re-construction that are responsible for the transcendental feelings that one experiences at the time.
I could be wrong- any good scientist will readily admit that science can be mistaken- in any case it would be a difficult experiment to conduct.

To me, the cause is secondary to the effect. The feeling is real, powerful and not to be disregarded, no matter what the origin. Digressing again...

So, anyway, my penpal writes back and tells me about this woman, a self-professed "psychic medium", that her teacher at Massage School had introduced her to. This "medium" somehow knew a great deal of private information about my penpal... things about her dead father, her kids, that she was graduating from Rubdown College...wait, said the medium in mid-sentence...I can hear a voice...your father is here, he says he is proud of you...my penpal was very impressed and spooked.

I am not so gullible. I'd wager that the "medium" and the masseuse are in cahoots and that my e-pal was being set up for a fleecing.

This left me with two choices:
- I could play along and go for the easy lay.
- I could be honest and forget about the sex.

I chose the honest approach. I asked her if the "medium" knew anything about her that her teacher didn't know. I suggested the possibility that the "medium" had gleaned the information from the teacher who had introduced them to each other, i.e., the teacher knows you are graduating, therefore so does the "psychic"; with this pre-knowledge, it's no stretch to say "your father tells you he is proud."

I also ventured that I don't know how to identify a 'real' psychic, but I do know how to spot a fake one- if the 'professional' psychic/palmist/card-reader/witch-doctor/whatever has a storefront and/or a roadside sign, then they are a fraud; that the 'professionals' are merely very clever con artists.
I left out the part about them preying on needy people in desperate straits.

No reply.



Look carefully at the picture below. That is a simple three-ring binder with color inserts that look as if they were produced using Word and a Laserjet. That's because they were. It's an ebook. Inside the binder you will find a user-friendly guide to developing your clairvoyant and magickal skills.
It can be purchased used (?) on eBay or downloaded from the source. Use Visa if you dare.
Call me cynical, but I don't think the Secrets to the Universe are available as a commercial download.
I'd wager that they aren't for sale at all.

If the people selling these books truly possessed clairvoyant powers they wouldn't have to ask for your credit-card number. They could scry it.

If I possessed the ability to predict the future, talk to the dead, see distant places and/or read minds, I wouldn't lease a shabby storefront on the bad side of town, hang a sign out front and create a 'consultation parlor' decorated with colorful props such as these:
I'd go to Vegas. Or play the NYSE. Or find Blackbeard's Lost Treasure. I'd certainly keep my abilities to myself- in the past, the CIA has conducted experiments with remote viewing (clairvoyance) , using human test subjects...SRI, a research institute hired to help with this work, states on their website:

In the 1970s and 1980s SRI was contracted by a U.S. government agency to research some aspects of remote viewing. As this work was performed for clients, SRI no longer has the records relating to the research. All such records were returned to the clients.
SRI International is not currently involved in parapsychological research and has had no involvement in such research since 1990 when the last of staff working on the project retired or joined other organizations.

Your tax dollars at work.

Perhaps I read too many X-Men comics as a kid, but I can't help but think that the Government would do it's best to hunt down and exploit militarily useful mutants. I'd stay mum on the ESP for my own safety.




One needn't be a psychic to 'read minds'.

I spent the Nineties shilling VHS tapes at Sci-Fi conventions . My boss, Mario, could talk to an a geek about comics or cartoons for five minutes and intuitively deduce the nerd's entire life history...how many siblings they had, where they grew up, how old they were...he could establish all of that with amazing speed and accuracy.

Mario didn't have psychic powers, he had an encyclopedic knowledge of TV shows and newsstand distribution of magazines circa 1950's-1990's; he knew what shows aired in what market and when they aired (before cable, this was easy) ; he also knew that certain comics and magazines were distributed in certain regions and not in others... Mario's mind would take the geek's favorite TV shows and comics, cross-reference and combine them with other clues (accent, slang, clothes etc) and peg the person's background with startling detail... "you are from Detroit, right? Only child...late 1960's ... Dad is Canadian, eh?"

Bingo! Another sale!

Mario is currently selling cars in Atlanta. He's the best salesman that the dealership has.

Over and Out

The approaching weekend marks the end of a personal era. Sunday will be the final broadcast of The New Breakfast Snob, my Sunday morning radio program. For the last 18 months I've been getting up early on Sundays and playing my musty old vinyl records for two hours and I'm grateful for that, it's been a sort of an anchor for me during some very turbulent times.

The turbulent times are not finished but my radio program is.
Sunday is The End.

There has to be a beginning in order to have an end and, in this case, the beginning falls on Saturday. My program is moving to Saturday afternoons, 1 pm - 3pm, effective now.

I'm doing my first new show on Saturday and my last old show on Sunday.

Sunday's farewell show will feature a session with local Irish folk band, Poisoned Dwarf; we recorded it recently and I just finished editing the scattered music and spoken word elements into a cohesive whole, which was both laborious and enjoyable.

Next, I need to record a promo spot for my new show. I finally got my PC and software running again, so I can work at home- but there's a problem:I have no idea what my new show is called.
Or what I will play.

Tonight I'm auditioning for an all-girl Rock Chick Band.
I am to be the token penis.
The band, I think, doesn't really exist yet, it's only one Rock Chick. I don't even know what instrument I'm expected to play, if any. I'll have to wing it.

Improv, baby, improv.

And so it goes.

A Confederate Sea of Dunces

The Confederate flag was proudly flying above the drunken rabble in the NASCAR parking lot this morning . Here was the Budweiser-for-Breakfast Club, massed and ready for action; Made In America, Drunk In Public and Proud Of It.

I heard Molly Hatchet playing. From more than one truck.


The tribe pictured above seems to worship canned meat products. There's an inflatable canopic jar tethered to the top- I think that at the end of the ongoing ceremony the wienier idol will be released from it's moorings and Ascend Heavenward , taking the devout with it. Good riddance.



Did you know that there is a flavor of Vienna Sausage called "Bilingual Chicken"? There is.
It wasn't mentioned at this Armour tent...I doubt that the company's decision to print labels in Spanish would have been a hit with this crowd. I saw more than a few "America is Full" t-shirts - at first, I thought that it was merely an incomplete sentence but I quickly caught on that it was an anti-immigrant statement.


I didn't see any Mexican NASCAR fans, nor did I see any Cinco De Mayo festivities.
I did see the U.S. Border Patrol. They are hiring.



Here we see a NASCAR version of inter-racial harmony. Off-key, it was.
There was a tent that urged onlookers to sign up for credit cards, enlist in the Armed Forces and embarrass themselves at karaoke - all under one roof!
Public drunkenness was not only allowed, it was encouraged and exploited.
This is a dangerous place.


More wiener worship. These (above) are marinated in 30-weight motor oil , rolled in sawdust and cornmeal and then deep-fried in boiling Crisco. One will cost you five dollars.
Two might kill you.



The only fresh food I saw was what was in my cooler. I didn't see any apples, oranges or bananas on the grounds, other than this. No fruit juice either. I tried to blend in by quaffing an energy soda that I scored from the trailer next to mine, but my banana gave me away, marked me as Other; on my breaks I hid under a trailer and ate stealthily.

I didn't know this, but if you are crew , you are supposed to eat the Corn Dogs and drink the Kool-Aid.
Literally.
There was Kool-Aid available to those who could afford it but juice, as noted, was conspicuously absent.
Notice the Navy recruiter in the background,above...military recruiters were ubiquitous at the track. The end begins here for some, I imagine.

I drank as little fluid as possible, as dehydration was preferable to urination- the toilets were straight out of Trainspotting. Bad scene in there. Very, very bad.

One thing that fascinated me was the amount of Nationalistic jingoism I overheard... over and over...only American Cars were acceptable...everyone hated foreign cars, Jap cars in 'tickular. I started fearing for my Volvo's safety, it being parked alone in a sea of Amurrican Trucks and all, but then I noticed that a great many of the diesel rigs were Volvo.
Maybe Volvo is OK ? They are made by Aryans.

I really wanted to point out that nothing for sale in my booth was Made In America; that all the toys, shirts, gimcracks and geegaws were manufactured overseas, mostly in China. I wonder how much gasoline was consumed during this event- attendees, vendors, the race itself- how much of that money gets used to pay for ski resorts in Dubai?

From an economic standpoint, NASCAR seems to move an awful lot of American money and jobs overseas.
It's not exactly a green sport either.

I kept these thoughts to myself.

One of my crewmates told me that this race was smaller than last year's, which was smaller than the year before... I heard many tales of woe about the costs of operating diesel rigs for ten months out of every year- bitching about how the "global warming assholes" were going to ruin the country- how Cheerios suck the big one- it was an overload of cognitive dissonance.


Apparently, each driver's company releases a 'collectible car' for every racing season. This year's 'collectible' was actually a pretty cool toy -but it came with a $70 price tag! Parents would admonish their kids, telling them that they could have that car, but they wouldn't be allowed to play with it, otherwise it "wouldn't be worth anything".
Then they would buy a left-over toy car from the previous year for use as a 'play' toy.
These older toys were available for 10%-25% of the original price.
I saw a pattern here... this year's $70 'collectible' will be next year's $12 'play toy'...hmmm.

When I ran a comics shop, kids would ask me: "how much will [this comic] be worth in ten years?"
My stock reply was : "That book won't even be worth reading."
Then they'd tell me that "they don't read " the comics, the books are investments.
They'd often buy two copies after these exchanges, thinking that I was trying to talk them out of buying the book in question so that I could retain ownership of it , hoard it for ten years, sell it and retire.

Free advice: If something leaves the factory with the phrase "Collector's Item" printed on it, the odds are very,very good that it will never increase in value. Ever.


I had to wear a NASCAR shirt while I fed lead-based Chinese toys to hungry Americans. It felt weird.

I wonder what would have happened if I'd worn an Obama '08 T-shirt? I saw a great deal of anti-Hillary ephemera but no openly anti-Obama statements.
I guess the Confederate flag speaks for itself.

Ride It If I Like

I spent Wednesday in West Virginia with my cousin, who was cleaning out her brother's house in anticipation of the auction house picking up the bulk of his belongings . It's amazing how much stuff he had...some was being sold at auction, some went to trash and some was given away. I found some nice clothes that fit me and got a bike ( save me some gas!) and also received some old vinyl records- I mean old; big , thick slabs of 78 RPM vinyl! I haven't sorted them yet, I might have to borrow a turntable to play them...on top of the pile was a Mahalia Jackson record, which is a good sign, I think. I'm psyched. I bet I can get a great show out of them. Or two.

Then we went shopping. I haven't been shopping for years. Seriously. I can't remember the last time I went to a mall...there is a higher statistical probability of spotting a tornado at an area mall than there is of seeing me.

I have a job interview today and my cuz wanted to buy me some new shoes for it- my 'best' shoes until then were hiking boots- she proved to be patient as well as generous- we passed this 'monument' as we headed towards the Food Court and I had to stop and take a pic.
It's in the middle of a mall and it reads : "Dedicated to those who honorably served our country" .



I'm all for honoring our veterans, but placing a memorial inside a shopping mall disturbs me- in my opinion, putting this monument next to the Food Court shows about as much class and respect as imprinting urinal cakes with the POW/MIA logo.

I actually experienced culture shock while in this mall. I felt like a tourist in a foreign land. We also went to an adjoining Wal-Mart. I know that I have been to one before, but it's been years...five, ten? I was unprepared for what I saw:



This place is so large it has a vanishing point.

Turn around and -presto- it's a supermarket! Turn to the right and there's the Golden Arches.

How has it come to this? We don't need all this stuff.

Today I had a job interview. I'd be operating the controls at the local planetarium. It's sort of a cross between a movie projectionist and a carnival ride operator. They asked some technical questions and I passed. It's only one or two shifts per week, but it's better than nothing. Plus it sounds fun. I hope I get it.

Did I mention the bike? It's a nice one. I took it to a nearby park.





I think I'm gonna like my new bike.

Tomorrow I start my two-day stint at NASCAR. I'm not sure what I'm doing there but it's supposed to be 30 or so hours in two days- almost a paycheck! I may wind up with four or five part-time jobs...I even picked up a Starbucks application, although I haven't inked it yet.

See ya after the Races!