NOTE: This is from May 22, 2004. It is the second blog post I ever wrote, haiku not withstanding. I found it while looking for something else. I put it here tonight because it helps remind me that I am a much happier man today than I was two years ago. And because I'm caffeinated as hell and cannot sleep. No one expects me to be on time at work anyway. And yes, I know Bast is an Egyptian cat-god, but I liked the typo so much that I left it. So there.
Squinting into the Abyss
May 22, 2004
Ever have the feeling that somewhere something is going horribly wrong and it is gonna change your life in an unforeseen, but inevitably negative sense?
Do you ever not have that feeling?
How much horror and hatred do we need in our lives anyway? Apparently we've not yet satiated our appetite for despair.
More torture. More death. More de-humanizing destruction. Everywhere.All the time.
Is this progress? History repeats itself- but this time it's streaming at us on broadband.
Here in America we've been warned to watch out for potential suicide bombers.People carrying almanacs or maps.Suspicious behavior. I see suspicious behavior every day, and it's not the guy in the alley hitting his crack stem.
We know what he's about.He's not plotting to draft my younger friends and relatives, of this I'm sure. He might steal my car stereo, but he's not gonna touch my Social Security.
I don't know about you, but by the time I notice the guy next to me is wearing a belt of grenades under his London Fog it's already too fucking late.
How the hell are we supposed to be happy, experience love and feel a sense of wonder at the beauty of it all when we're kept in a constant state of fear and anxiety about everything?
Well, there's always the Internet.
The Net allows me to realize just how isolated and disconnected we've become -while still allowing me to obsess over anything we're capable of fucking up-which is everything.
What fun!
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2006: What a depressing guy. He's doing better now.
Sadly, the world continues to be for shit.
4 comments:
Is that guy depressing? Uh oh, this could explain me some...
"how isolated and disconnected we've become" - I believe that to the nth degree. Even those that I used to think appeared connected, they're connected very threadily. I can't tell you just how much I muse on this topic. It would be so easy for people to just be more honest with each other, but so much fear and judgment out there. What a waste of life.
"It would be so easy for people to just be more honest with each other, but[there's] so much fear and judgment out there."
I'm putting my fears and judgments aside- I no longer have any use for them. Wish I'd figured that out twenty years ago...
Thing is... most people waste a lifetime trying to avoid fear and pain - they assault their senses with all manner of distraction - all manner of avoidance. And truth is - by doing so - one becomes even more isolated and distanced from life, love, etc... Fear of Fear. Fear of Pain. NO point in it - cause one way or the other - those things are always going to be waiting at the door for you. That's just life. The thing is... in my humble estimation... is you absolutely gotta get out there and get dirty, have a willingness to be open - and honest - and deal head on with fear and pain - but also all the good stuff that goes along with LIVING.
PS - I "don't" know nuthin'.
I am very glad you said that.
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