Happy Anniversary

WEDDING GIFTS-TRADITIONAL AND MODERN:

1st	Paper	Clocks
2nd	Cotton	China
3rd	Leather	Crystal, Glass

PAPER: This marriage started with a blitz of fabricated propaganda, wholly supported by the so-called Liberal Media, a media which seemed hell-bent on seeing the war to it's bloody start without so much as questioning the clearly absurd notion of attacks by Iraqi Killer Drone Planes, Mobile Weapons Labs and such other rubbish.
"We know where they are." "Yellow Cake" "Get 'em there before they come here"
Lies, all of it.
For Paper, I give you our National Forests so that you may print pamphlets for distribution to the Iraqi people , reminding them of all the great things we've done for them lately.

CLOCKS: For a time-piece I give you a horizontal hourglass, a chronograph that resolutely "stays the course" and refuses to change, despite the Earth's continued rotation and the obvious change in both time and season.

COTTON: This cotton uniform of desert camouflage will serve as a symbol of the Kevlar that is as strong as our love. A symbol must suffice, as the actual Kevlar is somewhat scarce. But it's coming- we are making progress , my love, but it is hard work. I will repeat this long after you stop believing it.

CHINA: Dear Heart, please remind me to send a most sincere note of thanks to our delightful friends in China for loaning us the money to finance our continued marital bliss.

LEATHER: Tut, tut, my naughty little darling! How devilish you are! Yes, these whips and bonds will become a strictly-applied disciplinary 'lesson' to those who despise the freedom of our matrimony. Let them forever hold their peace- or else.

CRYSTAL, GLASS: I am sure that in your heart you will see the wisdom of my words when I tell you that you are an exquisite creature, full of sand and wracked by frequent explosions, so the gift of delicate glassware may be a bit impractical. Please know that I do not love you any the less for this omission; in fact I offer a life-time supply of depleted uranium.
It will make a lovely heirloom for generations to come.