You Can't Escape Your Past But Sometimes You Can Pay It Off

When I got home Friday I found my Internet connection was gone. I called my provider, Verizon, and was told that I owed 95 cents. My bill indicated I was 95 cents above balance. Surely this must be some sort of clerical mishap. I was told I'd have to call Billing the following morning.
Ok.
But, despite what Verizon told me, there is no Saturday billing dept. Bastards!
I found one of those ubiquitous dial-up CDs and signed up for a 30-day $5 trial. Normally they charge a disconnection fee, but I called the company (PeoplePC) and asked if I have a weekend to try the service without incurring a penalty. They were quite reasonable and agreed- they had to keep my $5 for the trial, but I could have 90 days after which I could cancel without charge. Quite reasonable- could you put that in an email and send it to me? Thank you. (If you need a dial-up, check those guys. They were very helpful)

I've noticed that all manner of corporations will cave in and actually haggle with the customers over rates and such- it wasn't long ago that the idea of bargaining with the telephone company was almost incomprehensible. Today it’s expected.

I don’t know if this is the result of deregulation or if it’s a very bad economic indicator or both, but I do know you can save some serious dough if you point out every thing the company in question did wrong and threaten to cancel as a result.

But be careful. They are ready for you. Case in point:

I got up a little early in the morning, hoping to settle this disconnection via the telephone (no work today for different unblogable reasons.) I figured they’d see the error and
I’d be back on-line in a sec.

This is when my past started catching up with me.

I was told that I owed over $500 from as long as six years ago and my service was scheduled to be terminated August 2005 and only an oversight on their part had kept me connected this long. This was bad news. I decided to go to their office and get it sorted out since I had the day off anyway. I expected bad news.

Sure enough, I had two old accounts from a previous address and my DSL charges somehow became associated with them. I thought they’d been paid by the ex-roomate since I’d established a new phone and such since then, but I was wrong. I’d need to pay in full – oh and by the way, we also have to terminate your current account as we have now consolidated all three.

$500?!? I don’t have that!

Can I speak to a supervisor?

No.

Can I speak to a supervisor?

Maybe after lunch.

LET ME TALK TO SOMEONE IN CHARGE!

Well, OK.

So I get to talk to Paul. Paul’s a young guy with one of those spiky crew cuts that looks like it’s had Vaseline applied to it. He has a semi-private cube.

Look, I explain, I’d totally forgotten about this-the bills went to the old house- can we work something out? I mean, I didn’t get a bill or an email or anything. I need a telephone and a computer.

Paul types a bit. He tells me that many emails were sent to me. Years of them! Huh?

Isn’t my email vze6874vz@verizon.com ? What the hell? No. I have no idea what that is.

I get mad.

You people are screwed up. Look at this- it says call on Saturday! You are closed on Sat! Cancel my service. I’ll pay you later.

Paul types some more. Years of late fees vanish.

Can I see that bill? Paul spins the monitor around. I pick out overseas numbers I don’t recognize. (I used to live with musicians who traveled abroad a lot). These aren’t mine.

Paul types some more. By the time he finishes , my $500 is closer to $350. I can scrape that together. I make remittance.

Paul tells me my service will be returned on Thursday for $40 a month plus phone charges.

Forty bucks! Thursday! No phone until Thursday? Screw that- cancel me. I’m switching carriers!

Paul types really fast. I think he’s just hitting the arrow keys with his pinky finger so that he sounds busy.

Well guess what? Paul just now found out about a discontinued offer that I can still get.

Uh huh. He makes me an offer- it’s still higher than the competitor.

No thanks.

Paul hammers his arrow keys.

How about we give you a year’s service for one-half the competitors rate? $12.95 a month for DSL.

Yeah. I can do that.

Two morals here:

1) Don’t let corporations fuck you around. Be willing to make noise and complain in person. There is a good likelihood you will be appeased.

2) Have your house in order before you do so. I was caught unaware by this long-overdue debt. I didn’t have to pay the late charges, but I did have to settle in full.

It’s good to have that debt erased though, and I’ll save a bundle on my high-speed addiction.

Note: I got a lot of stuff done over the weekend since I spent very little time on-line. Something to think about...