A Universal Note

Hello. This is the Universe speaking to you, but you may address me as 'U' if you wish.

Now that we are all here (we are everywhere), please be seated and remain quiet while I try to answer some of your questions. I'm afraid to admit this, but I'm thousands of years behind on my correspondence, so please bear with me as I try to catch up.

*ahem*

Our first question comes from the pre-historic dawn of human sentience and was submitted long before the invention of language...loosely translated, it would read as:

"Are you out to destroy me?"

Oh, please. The person who originally asked this question has been dead so long that they've become petroleum...do I really have to answer this?

Look, it's nothing personal, it's just that eventually I wind up destroying everything- and that includes you. After I destroy, I create; it's part of my job,which can be dreadfully tedious at times. Can we move along now?

Our next question dates back to the same era as the previous query and it asks:

"Why am I here?"

I'm asking myself the same question, so don't come looking to me for answers on this one.
Seriously, I am infinite and you are not; as far as I'm concerned, you aren't here. If you can find an answer that suits you, feel free to use it as best you can, but don't expect me to do your thinking for you.

"What kind of music do you play?"

I have no answer for that. You'll have to listen.



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The New Breakfast Snob: Saturday, Sept. 5, 2009

Hawkwind- Lost Johnny
This is where Motorhead came from. The universe won't be the same without Lemmy, but then again, he may out-live everything.

Cary Grace -Vanishing
Brand-new psyche single from the UK rocks my whirled, appearing here for the first time and dedicated to memories of the future.

Can- Halleluwah
Old-school krautrock. Those drums...can you play that beat?

Grace Slick & Paul Kantner- Sketches of China
Ex-Jefferson Airplane couple went semi-solo and sincerely psychedelic...Jerry Garcia makes a cameo on my show! (Shhhh...let it be our secret)

Gong- You Can't Kill Me
Only you can prevent forest fires.

Cold Sun- South Texas
This one crawled out of Austin in 1970 and vanished into an empty elevator shaft, mysteriously re-appearing on air, here and now. (Here and Now is next week.)

Underwhelmed- Freak (Like Me)
Are you a mess like me? Take notes.

Megaphone- Write It Down
If you are going to petition the universe, do it with guitars.

Underwhelmed- Angel
Operator error produces lucky mistake, giving me a chance to dedicate this rocker retroactively to my friend Angel.

Ross Phazor- You'll Never Change
Ain't that the truth! I like this catchy Boston-based band and that hasn't changed ...anyone know what a Ross Phazer is? Ross Phazor knows.

Jethro Tull- Sunshine Day
I think this single the first Tull recording ever released...a mis-print edition exists which credits 'Jethro Toe'. Ha!

Jeannine Hebb- Things Haven't Been So Bad Lately
NYC singer-songwriter sums it all up quite well and displays remarkable range while doing so.

The Old Haunts- Poisonous Times
The guitars are having allergic reactions, which is the only sensible thing to do,given the times.

88 Sundays- Way Back Home
Sometimes you just gotta bang head. Ooomph, California-style.

XTC- War Dance
Have I mentioned that I'm totally against escalating the war in Afghanistan?
Declare victory, come home. Now.

Aphrodesia- Merit Badge
Great global pop with a conscience and a groove. We should all be so lucky.

Guiltless Cult- What Do I Have to Say?
It's not what you say, it's who you say it to.

Ace No Face- Regret
The first time I heard this, the words wrapped themselves around my heart. Still do.

Stefanie Seskin- Your Own Road
That is really good advice. Drive carefully.

Ashlee Rose- Ride With Me
There are no safety belts on this ride.

Chris Huff- Lost In The Mausoleum
I only recently noticed the wonderful bits of controlled chaos sprinkled on this song. Well done!

Scream Daisy- Bees
A Maltese regular here.

Joe Strummer & Mescaleros- Get Down Moses
The universe is poorer without Joe.

Bob Marley- Night Shift
Another dead prophet. One of my old bands did a heavy-metal cover of this song, which is sorta embarrassing to admit...butchery, it was.

Spy For Hire-Motorcycle
Wear a helmet and obey traffic signals. Or not. But do it loud.

Area 27- Intergalatic
Great track produced by collective artists...wish I knew more...listen for yourself.

Service Industry- Churchy
Great name, great song...fun!

Danielle Dax- When I Was Young
Dedicated to the original Breakfast Snob, Michael Hawkesworth, who turned me onto a new world of great music when I was young. Where is he? Where is Dax?

Bowfin- Dungeons and Dragons
Playing Dungeons and Dragons made a man out of me.


*poof*

Scam Alert # 9,014

Have you ever received an email or comment asking you about advertising on your blog?
I have.
The offer below is obviously bullshit, and quite possibly it's nefarious bullshit as well. I'll explain in italics below. This is a cut and paste of an email:


Hello,

We have reviewed your blogger.com blog on behalf of one of our
clients that would be interested in placing advertising with you.

Who would want their business venture linked to my blog?

Client profile :
DoingFine "http://doingfine.org/"
New projectTheme A forum dedicated to those things that came out right
and worked out fine.

When I read this I laughed so hard that I fell off my unicorn, bounced off of a pot of gold and landed in a field of rainbows and four-leaf clovers. Then I married the princess and lived happily ever after.

We'd like either a 150x150 button, 160x600 skyscraper or 468x60 full
banner (or footer). Alternatively, we may be interested in text-only
advertising.
This would be a weekly, monthly or yearly arrangement. In either case
we will require a one time, one day (24 hours) free placement in order
to test the quality and quantity of traffic your website can actually
provide*. Within this interval, we will make a final determination,
based on the traffic volume, quality, and your asking price. Should
we find your terms acceptable, this trial day will count towards the
agreed interval.

I only see two possibilities here:

1) The offer is "on-the-level", but the revenue is minuscule or less. A quick perusal of the site shows that it's only income stream is that which comes from Google ads. This is an offer to get paid a proportionate fraction of that revenue. Woo. Hoo.
If you have ever dabbled in Adsense, you know what I mean. If you haven't, don't.


2) The ad contains harmful code such as spyware, Trojans or viruses. You might lose your URL to hijackers and/or turn your reader's PCs into 'zombies'.

Kindly let us know if you would be interested, which arrangement best
suits your editorial needs, (my editor needs to point out this useless comma) and what rates you would like to charge.

(What rate I would like to charge? Golly, that sounds too good to be true!)

We prefer using PayPal but may be able to accomodate (sic) alternative
payment methods.

Thank you.

*Please note that we employ software that reliably detects autoclick
and autosurf bots, pay per click and paid to surf type traffic, and
other such non-human traffic. This may be a concern for you,
especially if you are buying "bulk traffic", or employing the
services of dubious "SEO experts".

Employing the services of a "dubious SEO expert?"
I am a "dubious SEO expert". Insulting me isn't going to encourage my participation in your venture.
I'm a dubious expert on everything, including job-searching, which brings us to our second alert. Hardly a day passes that I don't get email such as the example given below:

Dear Allan ,

We have an Executive Assistant we need to fill and the Administration experience you listed on your e-resume make you a great fit for the job. I'd like to invite you to take this opportunity to apply. Included is the basic outline of the opening.

They need to fill an Executive Assistant? Fill the Assistant with what? First, they need to hire a proofreader.
Grammatical and spelling errors are a good tip-off that you are dealing with spammers and hackers.
I hope that the unfilled Assistant looks something like this:

They go on to say that I am a good fit for the Executive Assistant that needs to be filled, but don't go into specifics. A real recruiter would make a specific reference to your resume: "Your experience as a widgeteer at Acme Co. caught my eye" etc.

Another clue is the company that is doing the purported hiring. It's always a good idea to research the company that is named. (If no name is given, it is spam.)

William Morris Agency

In this case, the company named is hugely famous and it's very unlikely that they would pull my resume out of the e-clutter for any reason whatsoever. Let's google them and see what turns up.

Gosh. Would you look at that? Right at the ding-dong top of the WMA career page:
The William Morris Agency has received numerous inquiries about job postings that do not actually exist. Prior to providing any personal information to any recruiter, please verify that the job posting is valid by contacting the office at which you seek employment.

Really? Who would have guessed? Anyway, back to the original email:


If you're interested in applying for this job or learning more about it, please click on the link below...<more deletion>

The link is to a site called Fast Job Openings dot com and it exhibits classic tell-tale signs of information mining. They ask for personal info and try to get you to sign up for "higher-education" updates and opportunities. You are given a choice of replying:
-Yes! I'm really interested in enbettering myself! Sign me up! Here's my home phone number!

-No! Me be dumb like rock. You no sign me up.

It's a ploy. If you are smart, you'll take my advice and avoid Fast Job Openings dot com and it's myriad ilk.

Certain rules are timeless and apply to all situations. Can you think of one that might apply here?
See bold-faced red text (above) for a hint.

On Medals

Olympic ex-champion Marion Jones recently confessed to using banned substances during the 2000 Summer Games and was subsequently stripped of her awards.
In total, she had to return five medals. The medals were retroactively awarded to the athletes who placed immediately behind Ms. Jones.

MOSCOW, Oct 12 (Reuters) - Former Olympic champion Irina Privalova has said she would not be happy to receive the Sydney Games 4x400 metres relay silver medal the Russians will get after American Marion Jones confessed to using steroids.

"No, I'm not happy at all to get that silver instead of the bronze," Privalova, who retired after Sydney, was quoted as saying by the All Sport news agency.

"I'm not happy because Marion's admission to drug use is a real tragedy for our sport."

WASHINGTON, Dec 31 (CBF)- Newly appointed President Al Gore today said that he isn't "exactly thrilled" over the recent Supreme Court decision to overturn their own ruling on Gore v. Bush and retroactively award the Presidency to Mr. Gore in last week's landmark decision, Reality v. Bush, which received a unanimous 8-0 ruling in favor of Reality.
Judge Clarence Thomas, claiming 'exhaustion' from the rigors of his recent book tour, declined to vote.

"Of course, I wanted to be President", said an exasperated Gore at a morning conference, " but to be awarded the Office in such a way just points out how desperate and dysfunctional our political system has become. Plus, I think it would be easier to save Polar bears with napalm fireballs than it will be to fix Bush's mess in Iraq. I'm not looking forward to that."

When asked what his first course of action as President would be, Gore responded: "Fire Lieberman."