Friday, May 21, 2004

Flat-Earthers Piss Me Off

Remember when the world was widely considered to be flat? I bet you don't.
That's because a bunch of egg-head scientists and left-wing public school teachers have sold you on the lie that the world is round. Perhaps you've been shown a "globe" to help convince you of this falsehood.
Don't fall for this trick. What you are being shown is merely a ball.Prove this to yourself-proceed to your nearest "globe" and kick it in the same manner you'd kick a soccer ball. Better yet, hit it with a baseball bat. It reacts like a ball, doesn't it? (Unless you've got one of those fancy-schmancy wooden "globes", in which case you'd better drag your intellectually elitist ass out of your ivory tower and head to the ER to get a cast on your newly-damaged foot)
In case you haven't noticed, the world is a goddamn cube.It's exactly 6 1/2' by 6 1/2'.
I know this because I measured it using a 3"x5" post-it note. It took a while.

Since I got paid for doing that I,must be a "professional". Everyone knows you can always trust a professional to fix or solve yer problems- (my so- called therapist being the exception).
Those glowing sticks in the sky? Those are called "stars", and yes ,you've been lied to about those as well.
On a positive note, space-travel is easier now than ever. Every single goddamned day I travel to another planet (also square) and bring coffee back to Earth. Somedays I go to a really big square planet full of glassy-eyed humanoids. Some people try to tell me these are called "meetings" , but I know them for what they really are-Alien Abductions!
Right down to the anal probe. If you haven't noticed this,you need another trip to Planet Coffee. Is it five o'clock yet?

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