Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Holes You Might Know

Goddamn it. I quit blogging for a week or two and the whole freaking planet falls into an entropic death-spiral that is making me consider moving up the publish date of my December 2012 "doomsday" post by 18 months or so. That post was intended as a rebuttal to the much-ballyhooed 2012 'apocalypse', an event that I was certain wouldn't happen in 2012.  Today, I'm not sure there will be a 2012. I mean, recent events seem to indicate that Earth is expressing her displeasure with the tiny primates clinging to her thin surface crust. And who can blame her? What have we, as a species, ever done for her? Nothing. Nada. Zip. We do things to Earth, not for Earth. It is not a symbiotic relationship, it is not even consensual. Eventually the rupies are going to wear off and when they do, Earth is sure gonna be pissed at whoever is pulling the train.


This is the biggest hole in the news right now:

If you could stack giant-ass clusterfucks on top of one another and climb them, three  clusterfucks of this size would reach to the moon. Or maybe to Alpha Centauri, since no one seems to know just how big it is, only that it is too big. Way too big.
What could be worse than 200,000 gallons of fossil fuel leaking into the Gulf of Mexico every day?

How about a million gallons per day? For months.

Curiously, the oil that is currently killing Gulf Coast plants and animals itself used to be plants and animals. Millions of years ago, almost all the plants and animals on Earth died and went to Dinosaur Heaven, which, it turned out, is a petroleum refinery. The extinction , many scientists believe, was caused when a large asteroid slammed into the Earth with the force of ten billion atomic bombs. Disturbingly, the asteroid is thought to have landed more or less in the same place where the current BP disaster is taking place.

This (above) is Kararrkujkk...um...Kattttkukok...um... it's a volcano in Iceland and it erupted recently. Another, larger,  Icelandic volcano may be readying for eruption. The 235th Law of Thermodynamics states: "If you keep blowing shit up, someone will eventually get hurt. This goes double for volcanoes."

Just the other day, I was saying that there isn't a hole deep enough to bury our ruling class of bankers and oil tyrants in,  that eventually their toxins would leach back into the soil and poison our crops and kids. Can't burn 'em either, too many carcinogens and ozone-depleting chemicals in their soul-less husks...what to do?

How about this hole? It would be perfect for tossing dickheads into:

Apparently, this Guatemala City sinkhole is estimated  to be at least 30 stories deep. It has already consumed a three-story building,  roof, walls,foundation and all. That should be deep enough for my designs... I say we fill the hole with asses:

...then we seal it up with golf balls, old tires and high-density, slightly radioactive industrial cement. With luck, in six million years or so all those assholes will have turned into oil or natural gas.

Methane would be sweetly poetic.


billy pilgrim said...

we are indeed living in interesting times.

secret agent woman said...

Those thee would be a great start.

Anonymous said...

Dude! Love your work! Hosed myself and then forced my Glugster to listen whilst I read it to him!!