Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Eat This and Die Happy

I was at market this evening and I vaguely entertained the notion of buying a live lobster for tonight's repast. Yummy, for sure, but I'm not sure I currently have the heart to steam the poor bastard to death.
Sure, they'll do it for you, but by the time I've made my choice from the tank of tragic crustaceans I'd have an emotional bond with that lobster. I would probably even give it some silly-lobster name-like Sparky, Rocco or Big Red.
That's MY lobster, you bastards.
Nobody boils my lobster and gets away with it.

Frozen lobster tails are about as enticing and delicious as leftover pizza warmed in a microwave, but they cost a lot more.

Besides, I'm a single guy with limited funds. What the hell am I thinking -"Maybe I'll cook a lobster tonight?"
I should be eating peanut butter out of the jar with a plastic spoon while watching Star Trek in my shorts.

What to do? The prawns look good, but $11.99 a lb? The lobsters are on sale for less than that.

Beef? Between Atkins-fueled high prices and fear of Mad Cow, no thanks.

Here's the recipe I came up with:

1 giant-ass fudge brownie (I admit I used a mix-make sure you have a couple eggs, some butter and a bit of milk on hand)

1 softball-sized scoop of natural vanilla ice cream.

1 big blob of all-natural peanut-butter. Make sure it has no hydrogenated oil or sugar added.

1 handful chopped peanuts.Honey-roasted work best for me.

Chocolate syrup to taste.

Note: If you have a life-threatening allergy to peanuts, don't eat this.

Take the peanut-butter blob, put it in a dish and pour chocolate syrup on it, as much as you want.
Microwave this until it's warm/hot and has a pourable consistency. Depending on your nuke-box, this can happen very fast (ten seconds ), so watch carefully. Remove and stir once or twice while heating. Remove from microwave.

Place brownie into bowl, top with the ice-cream scoop and cover with the melted peanut-chocolate sauce. Toss chopped nuts on top.

Repeat nightly until dead or too fat to leave the house.



Lyzard said...

My brother bought a live lobster to cook for a date once. He bought it a few days early so we kept it in the bathtub. My younger siblings were very upset that he boiled their new pet to feed to some girl.

The only thing I can suggest to you recipe is to occasionally switch out the peanut butter sauce for hot fudge with Kahlua... mmm, yummy goodness

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Allan said...

That's better than boiling your new date to feed to some pet. Well, most of the time it is.

Allan said...

That was me as Anon. I'm not quite paranoid or crazy enough to start leaving anonymous comments on my own blog. Yet.