Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Always a Dull Moment

Nothing new ever happens. Every day is just another variation on some previous day. Good, bad or indifferent , it's all been done before. If I haven't done it already , someone else surely has. Chances are they did it better, since I suck at everything.
I let my guard down over the weekend and let myself be creative- oh boy, a couple brand-new songs! I congratulate myself for this, then I feel stupid when I realize this is important only to myself.  It's not like I've never written a song before, I've got a zillion of them and they all suck.
So what? Any idiot can play electric guitar, which is why '  rock and roll' will never die. It should die. Dead people are better musicians- compare Jimi Hendrix to Lenny Kravitz  or Billie Holliday to Pink. I might totally suck on guitar, but I'll never suck as much as Kravitz. Listening to Pink makes my balls shrivel up. I hate the radio.   I hate MTV. Pop music fans have lower standards than a drunk tourist in a Tijuana brothel.
My vision of the Rapture would involve rounding up 95% of all popular musicians and hurling them into a live volcano . Hmm... why stop there? I like the idea of 95% of the human race  vanishing, but I hate the thought that all those asswipes will get into Heaven. Or I would if I believed in that nonsense.
Who to keep around? I'd keep a couple drummers and a few cute girls who can sing- into the fire-pit  with the rest of the so-called 'musicians'. I'd probably keep mostly women here with me on the material plane. No real logic to this, it's just the way my penis would like things to be.
 I like the concept of hurling 5.5 billion humans to a hellish, fiery doom just so I have a better chance of getting laid.
(Does this mean I'm a bad person? Probably, but without bad we wouldn't have good, so by doing bad things I'm actually working towards good. Did I mention that I suck at everything? That goes double for philosophy.)
Even better: Global Spontaneous Human Combustion. That would liven up an otherwise dull day.  Oh crap. Even extinction is old hat- we've had global die-offs since literally before time began. What a yawner. Nothing new under the sun. Fortunately , the sun can only explode once, bad news is I won't be around to see it. I never get to have any fun.
Maybe the UFO's will attack Earth this week. I wonder if I'd even notice . Or care.


nick said...

"Pop music fans have lower standards than a drunk tourist in a Tijuana brothel."


Lyzard said...

Coming from someone who happens to have in her possession a CD with your music on it, I would have to argue that you don't suck at everything.

However, if you insist on maintaining the "I suck at everything" stance, let me give you the same advice I was given by a gay man when I was a bit younger.

"If you're going to suck - know what you're doing and do so unforgettably."

Allan said...

Yeah, I don't totally suck-I just like mocking everything, myself included. It keeps me young.