After watching John Kerry's surprisingly passionate speech last night, I went to bed feeling pretty darn good, and I wasn't even drunk. The day had been ok, for a change.Office Lady #45 even told me a joke. It wasn't very funny, but I appreciated her taking the time to acknowldge my existence.
Took care of a couple minor technical difficulties at home, and even made myself laugh making stupid cartoon parodies (see below-click on them to enlarge); re-recorded a track I wasn't quite happy with and even wrote a poem that I think turned out OK.( My poetry usually reminds me why I should stick to disjointed rants)
Even took the trouble to cook a decent meal. The cats got treats. A low-key, but pleasant day.
Until I went to sleep. I had a bad dream. Very, very bad.
I have not had a nightmare like that for years- woke up sweating,with my throat very sore and dry, as if I'd been screaming. I have a feeling that something horrible has happened somewhere; I've had this feeling only a few times before,but it always means something.
I tried calling my Grandmother, but no one answered. She's in and out of hospital on a regular basis and it worries me. It really makes me angry that my dad and my cousin can't take the time to call me when she falls ill; instead I make a routine call home and a family friend or distant relative answers the phone and tells me she's in IC. This has happened more than a couple times, and it pisses me off to no end.
But I think she's alright. It wasn't the 'someone died last night' type of nightmare-it was violent ,bloody and incredibly realistic. I was looking through someone else's eyes, and I was horrified by what they saw. I'm not going to describe it. I can't. I've never had this nightmare before- none of my familar themes and symbol were there. It was like I was having another person's worst fears invade and occupy my soul.
Something bad has happened. I feel helpless and afraid. I hope I'm going mad, I can handle that.