Everyone is at some meeting inWilliamsburg today. Not being a real employee, I wasn't told or required to attend. Suits me fine, I despise work meetings that don't involve heavy drinking.
This job is odd, but I've had stranger. Working the midnight shift in the Census office was my all-time favorite. One afternoon, my boss, Jim, calls me and my special friend, Alicia, into his office. Shut the door. Uh oh.
He reaches into his desk and pulls out a bag of empty Heineken bottles. There's a pair of pantyhose in the bag. Alicia's turning red. She looks at me-but we were so sly! No one suspected a thing. Wrong.
Jim was changing a light fixture and found these items hidden in the drop ceiling-but why call us on it? Oh. It was that obvious. Jim explains that if we are going to drink and screw in his office, we could at least toss the garbage in the dumpster beneath his window. Best boss ever!
I imagine I'll have another couple dozen jobs before one of them finally kills me, but I doubt I'll ever have as much fun as I did in 2000. That was the last good year I've ever had.
Come to think of it, an awful lot of bad things happened that year. In fact, it ended with me broken-hearted and on Federal probation. Fuck. Never mind.
I'm doing a bang-up job of depressing the shit out of myself this morning.