Friday, August 06, 2004

The Old Neighborhood

Once upon a time I lived in a very strange building. It was part abandoned warehouse and part luxury townhome. I'm not sure how many roomates I had, but they were an odd lot including: a couple friends who used to live in Oregon, the drunk chick from the 'ER' show, some big fat guy I don't recognize and way too many Kathies.
Somehow, I'm sharing a room with the actress, in fact we're sharing a bottle of tequila. She's explaining how we pay the rent by volunteering to be test subjects for mind control experiments. Safe as milk. She plays a doctor or something on TV, so I figure she knows what she's talking about. A gas is piped into the A/C vents while we sleep, and our behavior the following day is monitored. I must be drunk, because this seems harmless enough. We go to sleep.
I wake up smelling something funny, like coconuts. Thirsty. Get out of bed and the room lurches. Whoa! I crash into a table covered in cassette tapes and silverware. Loud!
ER Chick doesn't even stir.
Somehow I make it out the door and into the hallway.
In the hall a couple cops are throwing occupied body bags into an empty elevator shaft.
Better take the stairs.
The stairwell looks like an Escher print. I get dizzy and fall down (up?) a flight or two.
I'm not hurt, but I'm too dizzy to stand. I climb down backwards on my hands and knees until I get to the ground floor, where the kitchen is.
On the way to the kitchen, I pass a couple naked Kathies. They're doing something to each other. Under normal circumstances, I'd hang out here for awhile, but I can barely stand. I suddenly feel sick. I head towards the bathroom instead.
When I open the door, I see someone has moved the toilet to block the doorway. I'm touched by this generous gesture-those last few steps would've been hell.
A lifetime of dry heaves later and I need some air. There's the back door.
I step onto the porch and suddenly I'm tangled up in bedsheets. I'm so dizzy it takes a long time to free myself.
Across the street two strange women stand in a doorway ,pointing and laughing at me.
Gotta get away from this crazy place.
An old pick-up truck is pulling out of the driveway. A desperate grab later and I'm pulling myself into the truckbed.
The driver starts stopping/starting/swerving , trying to dislodge me.
I manage to yell into the cab, Why are you doing this?
The Fat Guy turns around and screams, What you don't know is what you don't want to know!
I fall off the truck and the world ends.

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