I decided to call my doctor and ask him to increase the dosage of my Xanax this morning.
Because as soon as I leave the house I'm gonna see some headlines-I'm gonna see the headline, that's why.
Fair enough, says doc. Have you thought about not leaving the house?
Yeah, I have.
I've also considered going to Kansas-maybe a tornado will take me to Oz.
If you see a strange bald man poking through your wardrobe, it's just me looking for Narnia.
I'm unarmed-just drink me under the table and toss me into the alley-I won't mind. Or toss me under the table and drink me into the alley-either way. Hmmm... the latter seems preferable.
I get some cough syrup that should help me dream of Xanadu-wish I could travel forward in time until the flu goes away.
With my luck, I'd invent a time machine that only goes back to 1984 .