Monday, December 20, 2004

Holiday Flu Tonic

My new fave x-mas beverage: Red Bull, Nyquil and Vodka. It's a marvelous flu tonic.

Flutonic. I like the sound of that word. It sounds like some obscure school of philosophy or architecture. Perhaps a religion? Belonging to a religion no one's ever heard of has some advantages:

"Would you like a bowl of my famous holiday sardine pudding"? (This dish actually exists. It's nigh-inedible, but it's great for attracting sharks).

"Gee, I sure would, but as a Flutonist, I can only eat sardine pudding on days that start with vowels."


"We need some people to come in this weekend and shred ten years worth of accumulated useless documents. Are you available?"

" I'd like to, but Flutonists are forbidden from handling paper during the Holiday season. We buy all our gifts with plastic and don't wrap them".

It's amazing the shit you can get away with if you loudly proclaim your faith while you do it. Look at BushCorp if you don't believe me.

On a more personal level, I really do tell new employers that my faith doesn't permit me to work on Sunday.
I offer no other details.
This always works. It's pre-emptive, religiously correct ju-jitsu. Establish a position of ambiguous, righteous stoicism and wait for your opponent/inquisitor to lunge at you. Side-step and push. Use their 'faith' as a weapon of self-defense.

It shouldn't have to be this way.

No one should have to defend their beliefs by attacking those of another. Unless you worship Ares, war should be absent from the practice of faith.

Professing faith. Self-betrayal. Fatted or Crimson?

My Aunt Peggy calls. I've been pissed at her for days, but that's all over now.

Hey. What does (cousin) Jimmy want for x-mas?

Something Beatles. Or something guitar.

That is so cool.

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