Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Flag Politics

Today, it's all Flag Politics. Not Old Glory issues , more like eighth-grade gym class flashbacks.
Remember 'flag football'? Instead of tackling the ball-carrier, you pulled a velcro-attached ribbon off their belt. It was designed as a safety-conscious football alternative- football for pussies is what it is. Who needs that when you've got soccer?

If you were good at flag football, you understand that nothing is more important than avoiding risk, even if it means losing every half-assed game you play. You'll make a great politician or journalist.

Imagine if the NFL recruited referees from Congress and the press corps. Instead of simply calling penalties, we'd have to endure this:

"Let me begin by acknowledging #68's achievements on both the high school and college fields. I played a little ball in school myself, and I would like to take this opportunity to express my admiration for those, like #68, who have made a career of this fine and noble profession.
However, I cannot ignore the 15-yard holding penalty that #68 committed on the last play. I recognize #68's devotion to the principles of good sportsmanship and do not mean to question his faith in God or Vince Lombardi. First down!"

Some media critics accuse the mainstream press of playing 'softball' with the current administration , but that's simply not true. You can get hurt playing softball. Today's tough questions are almost as dangerous as playing Tiddly-Winks without protective goggles.

Every game is played at home, in front of a loyal, cheering crowd. You can be assured of their loyalty-they signed an oath at the ticket booth.

Look! Up on the JumboTron! It's instant replay! It's Coach Kerry lavishing adoration on undeserving Republicans, reminding us why his team never wins.
What? That's live footage?
Deja view.

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