I would probably be able to maintain a serious relationship with a woman if I restricted my speech to comments about how beautiful she is and rarely, if ever spoke honestly about anything else. Especially in my sleep. I have extremely vivid dreams; I suppose most would consider them nightmares, but I'm usually aware that I'm dreaming and just sort of run with it. Sometime I really enjoy them, especially the ones that are inspired by violent video games.
However, I didn't realize that my sleeping carcass was providing a spoken narrative to go with it.
Not surprisingly , I say some deeply troubling things in my sleep.
At least I don't snore.
In the morning, I'm told I need to leave and go get help. Anyone know of a walk-in psychiatrist who works for free and on Sundays? Guess it's guitar and blog. I suppose a few beers wouldn't hurt. How do you get help for-sleep-talking? Do I even want that? I think it's probably just a way for my subconscious to cleanse itself of bad thoughts and feeling, not a sign of illness at all.
Usually, when I wake up, I remain in bed for a few minutes and try to sort out what I dreamt about ,and why. It helps me gather my wits and plan my day.
Shit!
I already told one other girl that I was seeing someone else, and I had second thoughts about "dating" a 19-year old who thinks giving head in the parking lot during lunch hour does not constitute cheating on her fiance because "it's not really sex." She's also a Born-Again recovering alcoholic. At 19.
I'm a magnet for crazy. I wish opposites really did attract. A sane lover would be very welcome. Sadly, the only sane women I know are gay, taken or both.
My desire for love is a black hole.
All light, no matter how bright it may be at one moment , cannot avoid being extinguished, crushed and sucked into a vortex from which there is no escape.
On the other hand, my unwelcome opinions and observations are a fucking supernova, destroying everything around me and visible from millions of light-years away.
The women I've met recently either think I'm a wild-eyed left-wing liberal extremist because I hate Bush, hate his war, hate his foreign and domestic policies and especially dislike the handlers and lackeys that surround him. I will never shop at Wal-Mart. I won't eat McDonald's or Dominoes. I don't support the sale of automatic weapons. Pro-Choice. Godless. I never buy a new car or an American car. I buy old Hondas and drive them until they won't go anymore. This takes years. And, I don't litter, which makes me a tree-hugger to some.
Or, they think that I'm an unenlightened right-wing ditto-monkey because I advocate for smaller government, support the basic idea of the 2nd amendment (see above) , eat meat, watch football and would rather work for a company I don't like than live on welfare from a government that I despise. I generally respect the faith of others, unless they use it as smoke-screen to hide hypocritical stances and behavior.
Being at a party that was divided into vegan/sober and meat/beer sections really made me question the " hippie/punk progressive" mindset.
Then there's stuff like this:
"We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security."
Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger."
- Abbie Hoffman
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."- General Dwight D. Eisenhower
"You're not to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it. "
Malcolm X
"Each choose that method that expresses your selfhood best, and condemn no other man because he expresses his Self otherwise."
- Voltairine De Cleyre
"If we cannot by reason, by influence, by example, by strenuous effort, and by personal sacrifice, mend the bad places of civilization, we certainly cannot do it by force. "
Auberon Herbert, 1894
See? I can't win. I like Ike , who was probably the least partisan of modern presidents- I have grievances with him, his Vice-President comes to mind... but
I like Malcom X, Thomas Jefferson and obscure 19th century anarchists. I like the Miami Dolphins football team and I like real-life dolphins even more. But I'm not going to 'liberate' the dolphins and Beluga whales from the Hood Aquarium. And I'm not going to bet on the M. Dolphins, because they'll probably lose a lot of games next season...grrrr.
I read comic books and historical non-fiction.
Ideas are interesting. Why can't one explore them from different perspectives without being a hypocrite?
4 comments:
I distinctly remember my first political discussion. I was in second or third grade and one of the kids on the playground asked if I was a Republican or a Democrat. I said that I didn't know because I couldn't tell which was better.
I have NEVER been able to choose sides exclusively. I am very proud of this, although sometimes it makes me feel wishy-washy and a bit of a fencesitter. Like when I watched my first basketball game and refused to cheer for either team until I knew which one would win.... But it's not the same thing at all, feel like it though it may.
I believe the truth is usually somewhere in the middle and I can only find it by looking at both sides equally. If someone calls me a hypocrite they misunderstand the word. A hypocrite is one who professes to hold certain beliefs that he does not hold. I am a person who will profess what I believe may believe something else the next minute. I call it growth. But then a tumor is also called growth, so who is to say if that's a good or a bad thing?
i recognize myself in these words and sending out a love potion number number number ten.
Lyz,
You said:
"I believe the truth is usually somewhere in the middle and I can only find it by looking at both sides equally."
I wish I could be that objective. It seems as if the truth is often so distant from the 'center' of whatever belief system being used to evaluate a given idea, that it either invalidates the belief system or it contradicts the truth.
Or both, which sounds pardoxical, but really isn't- if you look at the idea from all sides. Or something.
Tif- *quaff* Mmm... Tasty potion! I feel myself growing number number number t'en I wuz before, ya know?
I don't think you should feel wishy washy just because you don't fit into a dictated mold. I feel life is complicated, and decisions/choices are infinite, so of course there should be lots of opinions, but the problem is our dualistic society wants you to choose black or white, not anything else. I tell folks I tend to vote Democratic, but not always. I vote and decide by my own beliefs and ethics.
Here's some other quotes recently sent to me you might also like:
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Aristotle
"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." Steven Weinberg
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