I had to work yesterday and saw that the groundskeepers had set out the 'live-capture' possum traps-I guess they only do this on weekends so that the 'regular' employees don't have to see desperate possums in wire cages.
There's one right next to the main door. It's a rather inelegant creature, all scrappy fur , nasty teeth and hideous pinkish-grey tail. Ugh.
But I decide to free it anyway. I hope that it doesn't attack. Do possums attack? Let's find out.
Hmmm...
They don't attack. Not this one, anyway. It's dead. I wonder if Bank of Generica poisoned it. It wouldn't suprise me if they did.
I'm incensed. I'm outraged and envious. I live in Possum Hell. Everyone else has cute possums.
This Aussie possum has that whole 'eyes and ears bigger than the skull' cute thing going. It's a marsupial prototype for Manga-Critters.
And the UK?
Chicks dig British possums. It must be the accent. Really though, isn't that a cute little bugger?
Even Mississipi possums fare better than their Virginian kin.
Perhaps not as cute as the UK possum, but they play some mean Blues guitar.
How 'bout Holland?
Dutch possums are so cuddly that most people call them "bunnie-wunnies".
Lovable animals, no? No. Not in my neighborhood. 'Round these parts we get this:
Nice try with the garlands, pal, but you are still a Virginia possum drinking human blood from a cheesy skull mug. And what's the deal with the fur? Are you in a state of constant electrocution or what?
Local possum babies? Surely they must be adorable. All baby critters are precious.
Not so, apparently.
This pitiful bastard took one look in a mirror and died of ugly.
Not only is the Virginia possum visually disturbing, but it also has disgusting habits.
Put out a possum-bowl of food that's half Cheetos and half cigarette butts. They'll eat it all.
They breed in dumpsters.
During possum mating season I will not allow my cats to leave the house.
I'm not asking for much, but could Santa please send Virginia some pleasant possums?
3 comments:
"This pitiful bastard took one look in a mirror and died of ugly."
omfg roflmao!
I once held a baby possum down in Bandon Oregon at the wildlife refuge. It had been brought in after it's mother had been run over by a car. (surprise - someone stopped!) I must say, it was quite adorable. Their paws look like little hands. Of course it was only a few weeks old so maybe the ooglie kicks in shortly thereafter.
"Not only is the Virginia possum visually disturbing, but it also has disgusting habits.
Put out a possum-bowl of food that's half Cheetos and half cigarette butts. They'll eat it all.
They breed in dumpsters."
I think people in general are the more disgusting ones here. Do possums naturally breed in dumpsters? No. The dumpsters are there because humans put them there. Humans are fucking up the Earth, spreading disease worse than "pests", throwing trash everywhere and destroying the environment for other animals, like possums, that had claim to the land first. I severely hope Karma bites you and the entire human race in the ass, and soon. It might wake you all up to reality.
Dear Anon,
Was there a contest for Dumbest Person on The Internet?
Is this your entry?
It's a fucking JOKE-if you are this sensitive you should stay the hell off the web and put your head back into the sand- unless an ostrich has already claimed it.
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