Christmas Present

"He sees you when you're sleeping-
he knows when you're awake..."

Man, that's about the all-time creepiest song ever written- it evokes images of some perverse, troll-like Santa Creature lurking in the bedrooms of small children. Shudder. You better watch the fuck out- Santa's cataractic eyes are on you.

HOLY SHIT IN THE WOODS!

In a sure sign that the Catholic Church has fallen out of Divine Favor, the new Pope is also the World's Scariest Old Man, a position previously held by Dick Cheney:



If you think that we couldn't possibly have a worse president than Bush, think harder.
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Dec. 25th is to dysfunctional families what Feb. 14 is to failed romantics- an unavoidable annual reminder of crap we'd rather not think about, as well as a great chance to spend money on someone who doesn't like you as much as you think they do. Whee.

I was afraid that this holiday season was going to be extremely difficult to deal with, but I've found that the H-Day season is easier confronted sober than drunk.
I realize that this observation seems extremely counter-intuitive; after all , what could be more natural than getting drunk on Thanksgiving and staying that way until the radio finally stops playing 'Jingle Bells'?
Hell, I used to start my Christmas Drinking on Valentine's Day, effectively avoiding not only the holidays, but most of the calendar year as well. (There aren't any drinking holidays between New Year's and Valentine's, but there should be).

New Years? Big deal. I haven't had fun on New Years since 1999, and that was only because I made up a bunch of bullshit about Y2K ( don't be anywhere near a microwave at midnight- they are all going to explode) and managed to convince more than a few people that it was all true.
Otherwise, for a Pro-Level Drinker, New Years' is just business as usual, with the added thrill of police roadblocks everywhere.

Being sober, it's easier to avoid getting caught up in the emotional overload that is so contagious these days. I don't have many people to buy stuff for, so shopping's not a big stressor; I'm not a christian, but nor am I offended by the polite use of "Merry Christmas"; tasteful 'Jesus-themed' decorations on private property; well-performed christmas carols, etc, so I don't have to worry about getting caught up in that particular spurious controversy . I really don't have much cause to get worked-up at all. Peaceful, I am.

My beliefs and my passions, my loves and my fears, are unique unto themselves, they aren't beholden to any particular season or day- my feelings ,good and bad, don't change because of an arbitrary numerical date or due to the choice of others to peacefully celebrate stuff I don't personally believe in. If I like you today, chances are I'll feel the same way in March or September; and even if I don't I'll still try to keep it civil, regardless of date.
I don't think that is a very complicated philosophy- it's certainly not original- but I think it can work.
Maybe.