Back To Nothing

I made a work-related trip to the Federal Reserve today. I used to work for the Fed Gov a million years ago and went to the Reserve every once in a while - I remember it mainly for the awesome cafeteria- if you had a Federal badge you could get a decent meal for less than two bucks- even in 1999 that was cheap. Almost any badge would get you into the main building .

That has all changed. All traffic into the building must now pass through a number of security checkpoints:


I wasn't really very surprised to find that we've outsourced the security of our Federal Buildings to the North Koreans - after all,those guys can man the hell out of a checkpoint- but it did lead to some language difficulties and general confusion once I got into the building itself. There was a long line- something I'd never seen there. It took me a while to get in.

When I finally got to the desk where they check your ID against the scheduled guest list I found that the guard in charge of checking IDs was talking on the phone as she gave cards a very cursory glance. Thank you sir.

Then she says something incredible. Mind you, this at a security point inside the fortified basement of a Federal Bank and she's having a loud phone conversation- she says:

"That would be the bomb* if you could do that, girl! "

(* bomb is American slang. I think it means "something good")

Then-in case I missed it the first time- she repeats it:

"That would be so the bomb!"

There's a half-dozen armed guards in this room and one of them just said "bomb" twice in ten seconds. I seem to be the only one who notices this.

I wonder what would happen if I walked in, talking on a cellphone, saying "that would be the bomb" ?

I bet I'd be arrested.

Unless I was dark-skinned. In that case I'd probably be shot and killed.

Anyway, I finally made it inside the Fed and into our firm's office. It's much swankier than the building I work in . The receptionist is really friendly and likes to flirt, which is nice. I had some impure thoughts and they helped divert me from the tedium of my work. I will edit them out of this narrative.



Too bad she's married. I can tell she likes me. Women like to watch me perform simple, repetitive tasks. I don't know why, but it is true.
I'm OK with that.
Perhaps one day one will domesticate me. That would be OK too.

I'm getting sick of my present bachelor pad. I've long ago given up on housekeeping- about the best I do is remove the winter plywood and replace it with the more 'springtimier' opaque plastic. (My apartment is on the bottom left)


Above is my home's "winter" look. Don't be put off by the exterior. It's actually much nicer inside than you'd think.
(Below)
I used to work a lot of overtime and was almost never home, so I decided to make a few extra bucks by renting my apartment out as a holiday timeshare. Don't tell my landlord!

See how nice my guests left it? I kept their security deposit anyway.