No Parking

Parking violations are taken very seriously here.

Our DCP -Dept. of Criminal Parking- will not only give you a ticket, they a will drop a telephone pole on the front of your car and knock down a tree to keep you from backing out.
It takes only three DCP officers to force down a large tree- such as seen above. They do this by hand, without using any tools whatsoever. It's a terror to behold- especially when it's your vehicle involved. I don't know where they find these guys, maybe they breed them in a super-mutant factory just for DCP duty. I've wondered why they don't use these bruisers for something other than civic-minded wholesale destruction but I'm too scared to say anything anymore. Less trouble that way.



Nobody seems to know if the DCP even have the right to use such drastic measures to enforce what was- until the creation of the DCP last summer- a minor forty dollar fine , payable by mail.
Nowadays you don't mail in your ticket anymore- they come and drop a a tree on your wheels and then you pay the fine- the fine usually consisting of your wallet, jewelry, home electronics or whatever else you may have to barter with. This can get very unpleasant.

Personally, I'm too cowardly to ask questions of people who can knock over trees with their hands, so I just park where I'm told. Less trouble that way.

A few weeks after the Dept. started smashing cars with trees I asked a co-worker if he didn't think that maybe the whole DCP affair was a bit 'over-the-top' and perhaps not even neccesary at all? It's just a few parked cars isn't it? Hardly worth destroying entire neighborhoods over .
He just just grunted something about paying his fair share of taxes and how he didn't want someone parking on his block that didn't. They could park in my space if I loved them that much. Fair enough. I didn't argue with him.

That afternoon I found that someone had smashed in my driver's window and stolen my radio. On my windshield they spray-painted the word "TRAITOR" in bright red letters. There was a brand-new 'No Parking' sign standing next to my brutalized Honda. The cement around it's base was still fresh.
I also had a parking ticket. I was to pay a fine of one hundred dollars- on the reverse side was printed a 10% off coupon from a nearby automobile glass shop.

I admit this all seemed a bit suspicious, but who could I complain to? It's easier just to park where they tell me to. Less trouble that way.

Besides, I saved 10% !