Aha!

I wish I had some better words today- my PC at home seems to be on it's last gasp and this may be my last chance to post for a while- although I can check email at the coffeeshop next to my house ( a love/hate relationship, that) and at the station- I just can't write very well in those places.

Aaaarggh! Gub! All I have is noise.

I want some words to call my own- but not my own-
or at least a conversation
That's what I tell myself
just talking it over is enough
isn't it?
isn't it?
But that is not what I need

For the first time in seven months I am afraid that I might drink again.
I don't know why I have this fear- I know that I shall die if I do- and I don't think I want to die.
So why this feeling of dread?
Because it's better than no feeling at all? Horseshit to that rubbish...
I doubt that it's better to be numb, but I suspect I'll never know...I doubt my ability to be unfeeling - unless I'm really drunk.

Aha!