"Lying about the future produces history."
-Umberto Eco
Books find me when I need them- it's uncanny how often the book I'm reading ties into my real life. I started noticing this in February, when a then-new blogpal sent me a copy of Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance which was, at the time, the perfect book for me. I had a few months of sobriety under my belt and my thoughts were changing and becoming new and difficult to deal with- all my defenses were gone and ugly truths and ugly lies had to be faced and dispatched.
This was a very frightening change for me and I was having some real problems with adjusting to my new self.
I don't know if my new friend sensed this fear and knew I needed to read that particular book, or if it was mere coincidence, but the timing was perfect. It calmed me down just enough to stay sober.
I will always be grateful for that.
Currently, I'm reading Umberto Eco's Baudolino; although it's set in the late 12th and early 13th centuries, the following passages seem quite relevant to recent events and personal observations.
"Niketas looked at his...interlocuter , appreciating the delicacy of his expression, the restrained rhetoric...and asked himself what sort of creature he was facing, capable as he was of using the language of rustics when he spoke of farmers, and that of kings when he spoke of monarchs.
Can he have a soul, Niketas wondered, this character who can bend his narrative to express different souls? And if he has different souls, through which mouth, as he speaks, will he tell me the truth?"I wonder if I have a 'soul'? I've been trying to do the right thing since last fall, but if I have to TRY to do what is right, doesn't that mean I am , at heart, a bad person?
Which mouth will I use to tell the truth? What truth will I tell?
My heart and my mind seem to disagree on everything...my mouth is helpless in this conflict, but hardly neutral.
It's on every side.
Everything it says is the wrong thing.
Last week , it was the right thing.
It's the same thing, really, it's just that now it's wrong, which means I was wrong.
Which makes me bad.
I mean, doesn't a good person do the right thing instinctively?
Do 'good people' agonize over everything they do?
Is there even such a thing as good and bad people?
But this is a fun book, so I'm not going to dwell too much on the twisty logic of my own confused mind.
I'm even going to forget that it was only a day or so ago that a pretty woman snubbed me and the book - especially the book.
Hmmmphh! I am indignant, but I am going to let it slide.
How dare she slam Eco!
Her name should be Philistina, but I'm not letting it upset me.
This is a fun book.
Here's a teacher's words to the young Baudolino from early in the novel : "...everyone is accustomed to saying the human community is based on three forces: warriors, monks and peasants. This may have been true until yesterday. "
He was referring to the spread of knowledge and learning that would , after much time, evolve into the Renaissance...BUT LOOK!
Some fucker has crossed out-in pen- the word "forces" and written the word "classes" in the margin of the book. A library book, no less!
No respect! Who would deface a book with such a presumptous 'correction'?
I imagine it's a dipshit college student who was recently forced to read Plato's Republic and had their head filled with classist crapola about philosopher-kings , soldiers and artisans.
I say screw Plato and the horse he rode in on ( who of course was named Socrates). Plato had no use for the Arts, but he loved to talk...
Eh, maybe I'm just mad because Socrates was a 'better man' than I am. I would have chosen exile over hemlock...
BUT...this is a fun book. I'm not letting philosophy ruin it for me.
Later in the story, young Baudolino is sent to Paris to study, in order that he may attain a ministerial position in Frederick's Empire.
At this point, poor Baudolino has developed a hopeless love for the Empress Beatrice, a beautiful, educated woman - literacy was quite unusual in that time, especially so for women.
By all accounts, Beatrice was an extraordinary woman, as evinced in a contemporary poem; in 1194 it was unusual for a woman to be praised for her intellect- smart women were as likely to be burned as witches as they were to be praised as below :
- "Venus did not have this virgin's beauty,
- Minerva did not have her brilliant mind
- And Juno did not have her wealth.
- There never was another except God's mother Mary
- And Beatrice is so happy she excels her."
Remember- she is the Empress and he is but a former peasant lad- a request from her
to write is tantamount to a command from the Emperor and Baudolino is compelled to obey.
He is not slave to the Empress, but neither is he entirely free. His love for her is his most terrible secret, not to be shared with anyone.
This causes our hero considerable torment:
"Immediately upon his arrival, Baudolino, who could hardly wait to obey the empress, wrote her some letters. In the beginninghe believed he would allay his ardor by fulfilling that request , but he realized how painful it was to write without being able to tell her how he truly felt..."
Poor Baudolino.
He's a professional liar who desperately wants to tell the truth, even though that truth will cost him his life.
This is as far as I've read, but I believe it's the author's way of developing the lead character by placing him in a situation I believe must be almost universal to human experience-
Have you ever really, truly , felt a compelling need to tell someone something- something you believe to the core of your being - even though you know that telling them is going to cause huge problems , even destroying a friendship or relationship?
Of course you have. We all have.
Did you say it?
How did it work out?
But- this is a fun book. I am reading it to take my mind off of some thoughts that make me very uncomfortable.
Wrong thoughts.
Right thoughts.
They are getting mixed-up in my mind and what I really need is a good book to lose myself in.
This is a fun book.
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