I'm Jumping- Where are my Hoops?

Weird show tonight- the band played well and we actually got paid fair and square- but there was almost no crowd at all.
Performing for no audience is a difficult thing to do- but the show must go on.
It's late and I'm wired and tired and I do not want to go to work tomorrow.

Plus, my mattress is pretty horrible. It's amazing how such a tiny fire can smell so bad... maybe I'll buy a new bed tomorrow. My boss is cool- if I called in and told him some floozy ruined my mattress and I need the day off to replace it, well, he'd probably be OK with that. Fuck, who wouldn't be?
It's a really good excuse, I think. Back in the days when I was a Boss, I probably would have given someone the day off with pay if they told me that.

Yeah. I need a new bed.
Perhaps it will be useful in attracting a better sort of woman.

I'm terribly discouraged about a great many things right now- I was really excited about producing a CD for the band, but there's a record label already involved and things are not at all like I had thought- I'm not certain that the guys in the band understand business and contracts- unfortunately, I do understand them. I work for lawyers- something I usually hate admitting , but sometimes it's a good thing. I used the resources at work to do some homework and I'm very glad I did.
An unexamined contract is worse than an unexamined life. It's worth something- just to the wrong people.

I was getting ready to explain to the band exactly why our deal was unworkable, but I think they had already figured it out. I don't know all the details and wouldn't put them here anyway...it was all done long before I came along and as long as I get paid, it's cool with me- but I really want to produce a studio album. I'm good enough to record anyone, really, and having a couple record label production credits would be a great way to get my own music heard- it's a motive , for sure.
I was hoping I'd be recording the ACB -it might still work though, we'll just have to do it differently.
We'll see.
Eventually, some band is going to get it right and hire me -that band is going to get a recording so sweet you'll need extra fluoride just to listen to it- and I'll do it in a basement or at home and save them a fortune in studio fees.
Man, I wish I knew some good, uncommited pop musicians- I'd just teach them my songs and have my own damn band again. A problem- I'm only saying this once, so you might want to print it for future blackmail purposes- a problem is: I am actually a damned impressive player and technician, especially considering I'm 100% self-taught- and I don't want to fuck around with people who are just learning. I've already done that- OK? I can play everything and record it too- goddamn it , I'll get a bunch of fucking mannequins , dress 'em up, set them on stage and play along to my tapes. Mmmm...that was supposed to be a joke, but it could work...I need a sculptor- or a sculptress.

Speaking of:

I have this same stupid sanguine feeling about women. Eventually , I'll meet a smart, lonely, lovable and reasonably sober woman with a good heart (and a firm grip on the concept of ashtrays)- and I will do everything in my power to make her the happiest, luckiest woman on the planet.

And yeah, I get down and I get depressed , but I do have power- lots of it- I feel like a frustrated freaking sorcerer at times, I have so much unchanneled energy; but when I finally do get a chance to cast my spell, it will be a motherfucker ; no silly dancing brooms- I want the planets to dance and I'm not stopping until they do.

That's it. I'm all 'positived' out.
I'll probably never write a kind word about myself again, so I hope you enjoyed it.