Everything Changes

I have lived more in the last two hours than I have lived all year. I have barely left my room.

This isn't good or bad, it just is.

It started when I began writing this post about my lost penpal Stephen, I lost him before I started blogging. He'd been ill and my last few letters were unanswered and it's been years, so I fear the worst- anyway, I got this far:

My first electronic pen-pal was named Stephen, he was an expatriated Englishman living in Australia via Texas...

[ several paragraphs of snippage, later for it)

...guitar talk, yadda yadda.

And I decided to take a break. I checked my email and I had a lovely letter from a perfect stranger, letting me know that she had been cheered up by one of my posts. I was feeling melancholy about my old buddy, so this email was perfectly timed.

Lifted my spirits, it did. I cheered someone up! That , to me, is good thing.

I decided I was going to try to find some of Stephen's letters and print some of the funniest bits-the man was hilarious. I think I saved some emails...

...somewhere...

And
Then

the phone rings.
It is my grandmother and she has bad news.

The news , of course, is that my father is dead. Alcohol has finally taken him in body, long since taken the rest. I hope it didn't hurt.
I'm not surprised at the call. I've been getting ready for this day for years; I can cope.

But that isn't the news she gives me.
My dad isn't dead, not that we know of anyway, he's just MIA -Missing in Alcohol. No one knows where he is. This is normal for him.

The bad news is : her cancer is back and it's very bad.
This is the third time and there isn't anything anyone can do but pray that the end is as pain- free as palliative care allows.
My grandmother is against being placed on life support; I agree with her on this and love her even more for her courage.

I need to tell my brother but he isn't home. I need to tell my uncle, but he isn't home.
That is all the family I have and they are not home.

So I never finished my post. I wrote this instead.

I hope somebody calls me back soon. I 'm freaking out.