35 to 1

My Boss started his vacation last week, which leaves me in charge. I don't mind- my workload is rather light, so doing his job is easy; it also allows me to hand off the processing of widgets (busy work) to the New Guy.

What New Guy? Where is he?

New Guy came in late Friday, worked on his myspace site for a while and went home early; yesterday was much the same. He left quite a trail of cookies- his myspace contains some weird shit, even by my standards- for example , he seems to be fond of comparing Tupac Shakur to Jesus Christ via unattributed references to Machiavelli.
I don't know anything about Tupac Shakur except that, just as Jesus and Niccolo, he once lived and is now dead.
The characteristic of being dead seems to be the only obvious common thread between these three men.
Tupac was a devotee of Machiavelli? I guess. I'll take Newbie's word for it since I don't care enough to do even the most cursory "research" (Google).

(I wonder if Prince is a Machiavellian?)

New Guy told me he is 25 years old. His myspace says he just turned 23.
New Guy lists his income as$45k- $60k on myspace.

I know that he makes $11/hour, which is $22,8000 per year.
To make $45k , he'd have to work 4,091 hours a year, or nearly 80 hours a week- even factoring in overtime, that's 3,413 annual hours , or about 65 hours per week.

Almost all of these hours must get logged between 5pm and 9am, because I hardly ever see New Guy. He pretty much stopped coming in when the Boss went on vacation.
New Guy doesn't know it, but I have access to all the Boss' data, including Widget Reports.
Here is what I have found:

Daily Widgets processed by New Guy since Boss' Vacation= 0,22,0 ...total=22
Daily Widgets by me =282, 297, 187...total= 766

766 to 22- this is roughly 35 to 1.
Keep in mind that I'm also doing the Boss' work while I'm out-widgeting NG 35 to 1.

There is a precedent for this. When I started here, there was a woman in New Guy's chair that posted similar numbers. She told me, straight-up, that her strategy was to get fired and then sue the company for racial and gender discrimination , take a settlement and retire.

That's smart thinking, I said. That'll look great on your next job application , which will probably be at Wal-Mart, Goodwill or Taco Bell.

Hrrmph, she said. This was to be one of our final conversations, as HQ, unbeknownst to me, had already started the firing process. The Big Boss drove down from D.C. just to give her a three-hour closed door 'last chance' lecture.

Big Boss gave me a very abridged summary of their talk.

Why does Allan produce forty times as many Widgets as you?, asked BB.

Because he's a White Man and I am a Black Woman, she replied.

Big Boss is black and so is his wife (his wife is a very ambitious and accomplished lawyer) - I don't believe that BB gives a damn about his employee's skin color- he certainly does not approve of the "I suck at my job because I am black" approach- all Big Boss wants is good Widget Numbers. Somehow, my white masculinity was preventing my co-worker from achieving good Widget Numbers.

Explain that statement, Boss asked. Give specific examples.

(If any were given, the complaints never reached me)

Improve your reports or get fired, she was told by Big Boss. I don't know what Big Boss did about her discrimination claims- all I know is that someone from HR later asked me if I had ever witnessed any racial or sexual discrimination regarding this woman.

Had I?

Hell yes!

She refuses to help with the moving and delivery of documents, saying that it's "man's work". I explained that I had several dozen witnesses- she would often tell clients that they would have to wait for me before they could get a pick-up ; that she didn't do pick-up/delivery.
To me, this is blatant sexual discrimination on her part against me- who do I report it to? The woman is younger than me and has no physical ailments- she just won't move anything heavier than a pencil.
Thanks for asking.

I don't know what HR did with my report, only that there have been several New Guys since then and that the woman's application for unemployment benefits was rejected- returning her building passkey in shreds (she literally shredded it and placed it in a postage-paid mailer!) did not help her case.

I hope New Guy doesn't pull that shit. He seems like an OK kid- and he helps me when it's time to move stuff - maybe he just found another job. I wish he'd called, though. If he'd asked, I would have covered his ass for him- now it looks like he's quitting and/or getting canned.
Oh well.
At least no one is giving me shit about ice cream today. If they fire me, there will be no Records department at all.
I have job security.
Whee.
But...

I have a job interview next week. It's with a large A/V production company. They called me- it turns out that one of the volunteers I produce shows for has a boyfriend who works for them. She told him about my audio prowess and the headhunting was set in motion.
It's more who you know than what you know...but I do know my audio, so I'm hoping for the best. I'll have to learn most of the video side, but it's tech stuff. I am really good at tech stuff. If they hire me, I can do the job. Whatever it is.

It's too early to know anything else, but I do know that I am sick to fucking death of counting Widgets.