Experts State the Obvious ( and so do I)

I'm not sure why this is considered news, but there's yet another study out today; repeating what most of us already know:
Fucked-up parents produce fucked-up kids.


Children who grow up with alcoholic parents bear emotional, behavioural and mental scars, experts say.

Many of the children of alcoholics, even those who would perhaps have been withdrawn, could grow up to be likeable, kind and intuitive.

But the problems surfaced when they had to confront difficulties.

The report said: "Their feelings about themselves are the opposite of the serene image they present - they generally feel insecure, inadequate, dull, unsuccessful, vulnerable and anxious".

They also struggled to develop strong personal relationships.

It's actually far worse in reality than this excerpt indicates, if this is your life you know that.
If it's not , consider yourself lucky, but you will never be able to understand how hard it can be to 'outgrow' this crap.

I'd like to think it does get 'better', but I'm not sure what that really means. Does it mean normal?
I don't know what that is. I've never had 'normal' in my life, I'm not sure I could stand much of it really...but some stability would be nice.

And someone.
A person.
Some one.

And that's hard- it's asking a lot. I've had women tell me that "hey, no big deal about the booze...you quit right?- but there's something else..." and then there's a 'but', which of course is the drinking, although this isn't what they say.
Can't blame them, really.

Years ago, during a brief period of State-mandated sobriety, I found out how hard it was to date an alcoholic if you don't drink. I was talking of this to a friend today, but what I didn't get a chance tell my new friend was that I really loved my GF at the time, and it really broke me up that she would rather quit me than quit drinking.

Years after that, I had decided I would rather quit living than quit drinking.
It was the bleeding that made me change my mind, though I hadn't heard it put quite that way until today.
The bleeding made someone else quit too- more than the blood loss, so much bleeding...everywhere.
There's a lot of other types of bleeding that come after the transfusions and surgeries...
...after the decision to keep going on is made, the bleeding still continues. A little.

Emotional hemophilia.

Emophilia? (Hah! I like that)

Sometimes I write about that lingering bleeding. I don't really enjoy doing so, but I do it anyway.
It makes many people uncomfortable, and for this I am sorry.
It is part of me and I can't change that. For this I will not apologize.

"Damaged goods seeking same" ( because no one else understands).

I wrote about this a while ago - through a miracle of cyber-synchronicity that writing found its way to the person for whom it was intended.
I didn't know they existed when I wrote what I did, but they do exist.
How do I know they exist?
The message was found.
It was read. It helped a little.
That's all I know.
I don't know what that means to anyone else, but it means a lot to me.