As Is

pic stolen from:





This is a picture of my new vehicle. It's the one in the foreground. I wanted the dirigible, but the insurance was too high on it.

I did buy a Volvo 780 though. It's a nice car and all the vitals and Carfax details check, but it's a 1990, so you never know...I drove around for a couple hours and so far I love it- leather everything, power everything, moonroof, nice stereo , clean and quiet. It's a little heavier than I'm used to but the Turbo kicks ass for merging from on-ramps. It also has brakes - I find them useful. I wish my Honda had brakes.

It's pretty sporty for a Volvo- it's actual made by an Italian company, Bertone, and is somewhat of a rarity , as there were just over 8100 made over a five year period. Fortunately , the engine and many other parts are the same as the fairly common 760, but the body itself would be hard to find parts for. Luckily, it's in really nice shape- one tiny dent and a scratch.
I mentioned the scarcity of body parts during the haggling, but I really don't mind one tiny dent. My Honda is mostly dents and is seriously held together with duct tape.

Still, it's taking a chance but I really didn't have much choice. My old car was literally dying as I drove around car-shopping.
I had looked at a couple other cars- the first one was a Ford (not my first pick, but it was cheap- a friend-of-friend thing), and the car ran out of gas during our test drive (broken gauge is a great sign)- we had to walk back to the seller's house to get his car to go buy gas and when I saw the truly horrible care he took of his own car , I balked.
When someone tries to sell me a car that looks nicer than what they drive , I have to wonder...

The next was a Honda-my fave!- but it was showing the same early signs that my last two had, and it had failed a state safety inspection- something wrong with the airbags ( I've never had an airbag before), so I decided against it... my own Honda's headlights cut off when you use the left turn signal, which really sucks for night driving, the front axle creaks so loudly that I'm pretty sure the struts or something are gonna break soon and the engine leaks oil. I had it looked at and my mechanic pal said it wasn't worth saving.
The newer Honda was sort of torn up with stains and tears in the seats which were blamed on dogs- and I dunno...it was too much like my old car.

I wanted something different.

So now it's time for that "will this work?" moment- I have only purchased four cars in my whole life- a Ford Escort which made my life hell, two Hondas , both OK for beaters, and now this old Volvo.

This was a $40,000 car in 1990- $2,000 today, which allowed me to save a few hundred for the inevitable 'something' that comes with a new used car.
For me this is a huge step.
Almost as big as changing careers at 40.
Or starting a new relationship after being alone for years.

I don't think the latter item is going to work- my not-so-new friend seems to be unaware of how bad the bottle is for her and much it bothers me- not even willing to talk about it and I'm not gonna waste breath on a drunk. Too many well-meant words were wasted on me, so I know it doesn't work. You gotta be sober for that conversation.
That was a while ago anyway- I'm just writing about it now that I understand it's past-tense.

I did meet someone else whose baggage seems to match mine, but I barely know her so it's way too soon to know anything, but at least it looks like I might have someone in real-life to at least talk to. It would be nice to have someone to not drink with.

I have stopped being surprised by how many recovering drunks and addicts I've met, there are so many.... I have found that if I am totally candid about my drinking , it's not long at all before someone is telling me " Yeah, eleven years sober for me" or some such thing.
Then we start talking.
I've learned a lot- people I respect, even look up to, have been through all the same things as I have and come out OK. That gives me hope.
Now, I am trying to pass some of that hope along.

I think that's the key to hope- talking and sharing the burden, but I can't deal with AA- I hate groups and schedules and rules and especially the religious part- "God as I Understand Him" ?
I understand God about as well as I understand Martians.

But I understand drinking. I'm going to stop blogging about booze for a while, but I hope this gets read and understood by the right persons.

Be good to yourself.