Getting Better

It's been a busy day.

First I perfected my organic, renewable bio-fuel recipe. This one, unlike my previous attempts, does not involve the wholesale slaughter of endangered species.
I've developed an automotive fuel that can be made from coffee grounds, cat litter and bongwater...it smells fucking awful but it's quite cheap and decidely eco-friendly.

Much better than Whalanol.

Then I put solar-power panels on my roof.

That only took an hour, so I decided I'd test my new fuel by driving a busload of urchins from the Orphanarium to visit the elderly shut-ins at the Old Folks Home; young and old meeting, mingling, telling jokes and stories...the ageless twinkle of joyous eyes... filled my heart with love, it did- I am glad we stopped at the SPCA and picked up all the puppies on the way. Their playful yelps and clumsy frolicking were just the perfect touch.

Note to intern: Blaming the puddles of old people's urine on the dogs is unfair and untrue.


For lunch I went to the Soup Kitchen and prepared several hundred meals for the city's homeless...it's beginning to get cold outside, so after lunch I spent some time sewing patches on donated winter coats...and of course after that there was the dry cleaning to do, which takes a little longer because I only use bio-degradable, non-toxic solvents.

Oh my. It's 1pm.

Tutor time!

I am a volunteer Professor of Philosophy at the Community Center and usually give a weekly three-hour lecture... today was different- the weather being relatively warm and sunny, I decided to take my class of indigent adults to the park, where I used the example of a recently 'put-down' bear to start a lively discussion on the ethical pitfalls inherent in man's relationship with the animal kingdom and nature as a whole.

By the time I got home, the solar panels had collected enough juice for me to fire-up the giant billboard I put on my rooftop last night- in hot electric letters six feet high it says:

LOOK AT WHAT A GOOD PERSON I AM