Light and Not Light

A good friend once told me :

"Three posts in one day is a Red Flag".

They meant it was a bad sign, like maybe they were going crazy...I reckon they might be right but then again maybe they ain't. Maybe three posts in one day is just three posts in one day.
It don't necessarily have to mean nothin', but then again maybe it does.
I git confused when I try to think about this stuff and now my head hurts- maybe that's what the Red Flag means.

This is my third post today and that's pretty much a record for me, but I can't say as to how exactly I feel like it's a Red Flag.

My day felt more like one of them Rubik's Cubes mixed up with one o' those old Magic Eight Ball "ask again later" toys and maybe lightly showered with some rose petals there towards the end.
It might not make a great deal of sense, but it's not such a bad sort of day at all, although it started that way.

First, I purged about a gig of digital junk from my PC- mostly crap songs I don't feel like working on, and maybe , just maybe, if my computer machine memory acts real good , I'll have room to play with these giant-ass .wav files, which is kinda like a hobby of mine except when it makes my head hurt...I wound up getting my software to work, but couldn't find the music groove after the tech struggle.

Hey, when in doubt, blog, right? I can't make small talk without risking a panic attack, but I'm almost never too tense to blog. This is maybe not such a good trait but we all do what we know, and I what I know is how to blog.
There are familiar voices and comfortable places there...I will visit them.

Well, this is right around the time when Blooger finally stopped dealing with old bloogers and the simple act of saying ''hello" to my blogpals became infuriating. It sucks when the things that usually calm you down get you pissed off instead, but I 'spose that is pretty much the way things are sometimes, so no point in getting freeked over it- I can still post, mostly, which is the way it's always been anyway.

So I did some more thinking, but not the make-my-head-hurt kind.
My thinking was a little dizzy and sorta sweet, like a hit of nitrous oxide mixed with whipped cream.

I made some calls, wrote some letters and found out that if I need a dead-end office job somewhere I can always move backwards to that-but also that are people who are helping me do the things that I am not so good at , which is a lot of things- including preparing an honest resume , so maybe I should be thankful that I have such good people in my life and with enough help it might be plumb difficult for me to fail- if someone who isn't me believes in me, then maybe I'm a lot more real than I think I am and maybe I can start believing that I exist again.
And I think maybe that it's good that I should feel like existin' because I didn't used to.
Exist , that is. Or feel like it anyway.
I'm not born-again or nothin' like that, I'm just new is all.
And I ain't no baby , neither, 'cept when I cry, which is never, me being all tuff n' stuff.

Man, instead of freekin' , I should be looking at the options- I am tied to nothing save my family - those bonds will survive distance- and the radio station, which is really important to me but can survive without me.
I always have lots of things that are important to me- sometimes I have so much importance going on I get it all mixed-up and wind up getting nothing done, so from the outside it looks like maybe I don't care at all, which aint quite correct, because I do care about a lot of stuff.
Sometimes I don't give a damn though.
Sometimes it feels like there is nothing for me anywhere. No one will hear, so why yell?

This passes pretty quick though and before I knew it I started noticing that what I thought was some sort of giant marble-on-a-stick was actually a light bulb on a lamp.
On.
Brighter.
I sorta like the way things look with the lights on. It's pretty messy, but it could be shined up real good with a little effort. Even with the mess, I can tell that the shine is there. It's not hard to see, you don't have to squint or anything, just look is all. Just look.
I like this light bulb and the things it can do; I can't help it, but I know it's just a matter of time before I start looking into the shadows ...there is nothing there to fear, it is where the heart lives, the shadows.
Mostly folks don't like it when I talk about hearts and shadows, but it's not a bad thing, just a by-product of light is all and really the shadow heart is the brightest heart of all , it just doesn't shine quite the same way as a light bulb heart.

My head is hurtin' again, but I do know one thing and it's a fact just like there are 50 states or the sky is blue:
I know that I like that light bulb.

I think maybe I'll leave it on for a while.