Winners and Loser

Wednesday we had a 'contest' post. It was based on information found on the Blooger dashboard telling us that we had published 1,000 posts.

Pretty simple, eh?

Nope. There were variables.

As if having a million furiously typing chimps wasn't enough to manage, I had to go and employ a human assistant that can't accomplish the most simple of tasks...count to one thousand, I ask him; write less about politics and more about sex and celebrities, I implore in a "constructive" manner; write something that'll require swimsuit pics, I suggest...bah!

I get variables.

Variables.

Christ-in-a-motherfuckin'-Cuisinart, even this seemingly simple enumeration was beyond my lackey's ken.

First: He forgot to account for all our unpublished drafts- I now know that I only publish 87.8% of what is written for Blooger- my rejects could fill several blogs. Several shitty blogs- you should see the crap that guy tries to foist off on me- a drunken chimpanzee could do better.
I should know, I wind up re-writing half the crap that does see publication.

Second: Some of those posts are re-runs. History repeats itself and so do we.

Third: A number were written by Susanne, who is an independent poster and isn't currently aware that there's a talking chimp calling the shots here. She may well have guessed the truth by now.

Lastly: I have no idea how many posts have been deleted. I'm guessing at least 100, but I don't trust my assistant. He writes god-awful drek , leaves it up just long enough to embarrass himself and then pulls it down....he thinks I don't know this.

So we have no idea what the correct answer is. Does it even matter?

It should be obvious to the web-savvy reader that there are no real Free Lunches or Big Prizes
on-line.
Click the Flashing Target to claim your Free Laptop!
uh huh.


Right, whatever...so who the fuck won?

That depends on your perspective:

If your glass if half-full, you can congratulate yourself. You are a winner! Depending on how the data is interpreted , all of the answers given are (were) correct. Even Sling's!

If your glass is half-empty....well, let's just say you didn't win. There's only room for one loser on this blog and that position has been filled since Post One.

If your glass is reduced to shiny smithereens and stored in a tattered Zip-Loc bag that leaks like a sieve- welcome to my world.


Would you spare us the bullshit and just get to the prize?

Well, all the entries were 'virtual', so the prize is likewise of a 'virtual' nature.

What's a virtual prize, you cheap bastard?

Use your imagination. Literally.


I am sorry that I have nothing more tangible to offer, but I feel like a winner every time you read this blog.

Thanks for that feeling.

Many Happy Returns,

Pissy the Chimp
Editor/Publisher, Camelsbackandforth