I liked President Clinton but there are some things I wished he'd done differently. If I'd had Bill's ear during the Lewinsky crap, I'd have advised him to say something like this:
" My Fellow Americans, I am here to address a matter of absolutely no domestic or international significance whatsoever. Despite the unending stream of infantile jokes, this is an adult topic so I will pause for a moment so you can escort your children out of the room should you choose to do so.
OK. Here's what happened. This woman (below), Monica Lewinsky, was a White House intern.
One evening I was working late and Ms. Lewinsky brought me a pizza (below) and an offer of fellatio (not pictured).
I took her up on it and we had an affair. I'll spare you the details but it happened. No laws were broken and I'm working it out with my wife.
Thank you for your time. I will now get back to work. I'm trying to catch a man named Usama bin-Laden, but it's classified so I cannot divulge the details.
My personal life isn't classified, but it is private. If you really want to hear the specifics, please ask Ms. Lewinsky. I understand that she's looking for a book deal at the moment."
What's that you say? That speech wouldn't have gone over very well?
Compared to what?
In reality, Clinton got impeached and the Democrats lost control of all three branches of government. We all know what happened next. Could being forthright have made it worse?
Personally, I want the person who controls our military to be sexually satisfied instead of cranky, irritable and prone to starting wars. I don't especially care how they get off , as long as it doesn't involve 'shock and awe', torture and wiretaps.
I lost a measure of respect for Clinton that I never got back. I didn't fault him for his dalliances- I would have done the same thing, as often as possible- I faulted him for telling such an obvious lie. If he had admitted it right away, there may have been no investigation, no Blue Dress DNA testing, no impeachment...eh, I'm kidding myself. Nevermind.