I couldn't understand a single word that the costumed monster on stage was saying. His voice was drowned out by squeals of high-pitched feedback that caused the crowd to cover their ears. The audience, which was loosely packed into some sort of huge convention-center exhibit hall, started trickling towards the exits. The monster saw this and he looked sad behind his mask. No one would hear his speech.
I turned to my beautiful blonde companion, "I will be right back."
"You'd better be", she laughed.
I climbed a riser and took to the stage. The monster handed me the microphone and shrugged...I traced the cable and found that it was plugged into a guitar amplifier which in turn was plugged into another amp, both of which looked as if they had been stored underwater for ten years.
"Dude, this is stupid." Why did I say stupid?
"Stupid?", responded the monster MC, "why did you say stupid?" He sounded hurt.
"Um, because it is", I said, unplugging the mic and inserting the cable into a PA mixer that I willed into sudden existence. "Try now."
"Test, 1-2-3." His voice was loud and clear. "Wow. Thanks." A cheer went up from the crowd.
The monster handed me a keycard and told me we could stay on the top floor as long as we wanted.
I returned to my companion and showed her the key. "We have a free room!" We kissed, hidden in the crowd, then found an elevator up to the top floor.
The room was white with red trim, rounded with shifting walls that were difficult to touch, they would draw back when approached, making the already spacious apartment larger. In the center of the room was a large round bed with red satin sheets...in the middle of the bed was a bubbling jacuzzi tub. It reminded me of a giant crimson bagel.
"I forgot my suitcase." Man, I'm a space cadet. I didn't even have a toothbrush with me.
My lover laughed. "I knew you'd forget." She produced a satchel from nowhere. Inside were several of my favorite t-shirts, my shaving stuff and a toothbrush. Digging further, I found a bag of special treats that I thought I'd left behind. She had remembered them. Awesome.
"Hey", I asked, "do you wanna try the tub?"
It looked warm.
The pic is of my ex-roomate Dave, performing with his band, GWAR.Used without his permission, of course.