Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Jumpin' For Joy


I have an imaginary cousin named Dee. Dee stands for Depression. Despair. Doubt. Drink. Death and Delete...Dee's last visit left me with serious case of of deletion ideation and my finger came perilously close to answering the "Are you sure you want to...?" question in the affirmative- after all, it's been five years, right? What is the average blog's lifespan, anyway?

I've had a lot of blogs in the past, but at the moment I have only this one. It's an inchoate mess (and I have no plans to change that), but it has introduced me to some good folks that I don't want to part ways with. I'd be worried and lonely if all contact were to cease...
Deleting is easy. The difficult part comes afterward.


Work is at a temporary standstill. I am the putative Help Desk pitboss, but our telephone routing system has never worked properly and has been off-line since clerks can't get calls, as the phones are connected to a dead network. HQ, fully aware of the problem, has nonetheless ordered that the four Help stations be manned during all business hours.The Desk is supposed to serve our field agents, but at the moment we have none. If we did have active agents, they wouldn't be able to phone us, because the computer that routes the calls is broken.

Each day, we take turns 'baby-sitting' the PC/Phone combos. We know they won't ring but we are required to man them at all times. We are not to leave them unattended for any reason.

Let me point out that my office is in desperate need of PCs. There are only a few computers that are 'shared' and those are always in use. The rest of the staff sees 4 (FOUR!) PCs sitting idle in the middle of the room and they are told that those PCs are 'Help Desk Use' only.

"But the phones are dead! The Desk can't get calls!"
Yes. We know. You still can't use them

Meanwhile, my hapless clerks have spent the last two and a half weeks drawing ire and staring at blank screens while waiting for their disconnected phones to ring...I need to pee. Can someone watch the phone for me?

Sit and do nothing for eight hours a day, forty hours a week...ugh. The clerks don't have Internet access and they aren't allowed to play games or amuse themselves with Paint or Word. No snacks or crosswords either...I hate enforcing these rules, but I will get fired if I don't and I cannot afford to be unemployed right now.


We got audited Monday and Tuesday. We passed the audit, but we were officially reprimanded for not having an Emergency Contact sign posted. The exchange between my boss (MB) and HQ went like this:

HQ (w/checklist): I don't see your Emergency Contact sign up. Do you have it posted?

MB: What is an Emergency Contact sign?

HQ: It's a sign with your Emergency Contact information on it.

MB: Oh, that. It's posted at the entrance.

HQ: No, that is a sign with the emergency phone number on it. I need to see an Emergency Contact Sign, it's an official document, form number [such-and such].

MB: Oh. We have never seen or heard of that. Can we have one sent to us?

HQ: No. I'm penalizing you ten points and I expect you to be in compliance within 60 days.


The New Breakfast Snob: March 21, 2008

Officer Roseland- We Want Your Money
From the CD, Stimulus Package

Anouschka- Buried Alive

Astronauts of Antiquity- Everywhere
Ubiquitous...or it should be.

Dare Dukes- Kick and Holler/The Prettiest Transmitter
Dare has top-notch storytelling gifts and a well developed sense of sound.

Say Hi- November was White/Oohs and Ahs/Barsuk
One man band. Interesting CD.

Arvel Bird- Red Ride
Cool electric fiddle with an unwavering Native American beat.

Shawn Farley- Squandered All My Time
No kidding. Cool tune with neat prog-rock flavors.

Cursive- In The Now/Mama I'm Swollen/Saddle Creek
Fuckin' great band...I was into Cursive before they were cool. So there.

Trey Green- The Last Flight
I like Green and this song fits in with my aviator moods.

Green Man- She Moved Through The Fair
I play this band a lot.

Joel Plaskett Emergency- Fashionable People
Crazy Canadians! Good song for jumping up and down. More to follow...

Chris Huff- Then We're Dead/Death or Texas/Huffmusic
One of the better CDs to cross my desk this month.

Kaiser Cartel-Okay/okay and.../Blu Hammock
I didn't like this at first but the gentle intensity is growing on me.

Michelle Malone- Grace
I'm a sucker for rockin' female guitarists.

Can- Halleluwah/Anthology/Mute
I needed some krautrock!

Jon Prophet-End of the World
This guy is good. More coming. Unless the world ends.

Kelly Richey- I Want You
Rockin' female guitarist!

Jenn Cleary Band- Wish You Been Here
Is that a bit of T. Rex I hear? That's cool.

Carrie Rodriguez-50's French Movie/Seven Angels On A Bicycle
This is not country music. It's much better.

Telling On Trixie/Mad About You

The Duhks-This Fall/Fast Paced World/Sugar Hill
Canada is my new favorite state!

Norine Braun- Evolution of the Blood Star
Canadian and possessed of mad talent.

Atlas Soul- Lamour de Beneluie (sp?)
Are they talking dirty? It's in a foreign language.

Gong- Heaven's Gate/Shapeshifter/Viceroy
Wherever you're at , that's where you are.

Well, here I am.

Niav- The Devil
Not-country unfolk.

Patty Hurst Shifter-Mr. Soul/Fugitive Glue/Pants On Fire
Buffalo Springfield forever!

Cecile Corbel- Suil a Ruin
This song is 'Louie Louie' for Irishmen...but it's a nice, upbeat take nonetheless... Corbel does have a sweet voice.

Elu- Lose Control
Should I like this? Ah...why ask questions?


citizen of the world said...

"MB: Oh. We have never seen or heard of that. Can we have one sent to us?

HQ: No. I'm penalizing you ten points and I expect you to be in compliance within 60 days."


yellowdog granny said...

judas priest..what a fuckup..can't you get a part of the stimulus package and get brought up to date? dont you quit us..
hope things get better..

billy pilgrim said...

kurt says time and luck

sagan says time and death are the big movers in the universe.

according to sagan, killing the blog could result in the birth of a new one.

i'm torn on whom to believe.

yinyang said...

"What is the average blog's lifespan, anyway?"

Ah, but this is not an average blog. Besides, averages (assuming that you're speaking of the mean) can be misleading.

Allan said...

CW- 60 days isn't long enough.

JS- We have no money. Unstimulated with no bailout. I won't quit.

BP- I'm too lazy to quit. It would mean starting over.

YY- Thanks. I imagine that there are a vast number of very short-lived, abandoned blogs that would skew things.

Craig D said...

It's D'Lightful!
It's D'Lovely!
It's D'Pression!

billy pilgrim said...

sagan says time and death rule the universe.

the death of a blog will give birth to a new entity, natural selection if you will.

angel said...

Dude, work sounds like torture... I'm so sorry.

McRaven said...

I just spent 4 months in a very dark basement in Minnesota, which by the way is having it's coldest winter ever with the daughter-in-law from hell. I wish I had a bridge near by but the lake would have been frozen...just my luck.

Now I am back home and I am up because my husband snores so freaking loud. I'm tired and crabby.

I work in crisis ER. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Although the stuff you talk about is really upper management anal retentiveness.

Just take deep breaths and keep listening to the music. "This to shall pass" It's got to get better.

whimsical brainpan said...

Seriously, if Kafka and Orwell got together they couldn't have dreamed up your work situation. Then again maybe they could have. Then again maybe they did. Did you get a good look at who wrote your office manual?