Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Point of Collapse

They lied to me.

My job didn't get eliminated, I merely got demoted and transferred to another department and one of my clerks was given my job. The Help Desk has been extended.
I found this out via the grapevine, so I asked a a trusted co-worker if he knew anything as to why such a change would be made. He mentioned a particular document that I had badly mishandled a couple of days ago. He had been told by our mutual boss that I got shit-canned for botching that document.

Damn. It wasn't that big a deal, I found the mistake and fixed it myself before it left the office, so why would I get demoted for that? Then it dawned on me that the document mishap occurred the day after I was demoted- it was part of the transfer process- so that couldn't be the cause. So why the demotion? My work was good- it's well-documented, fer chrissakes, but there's a rumor going around that I got dumped for a fuck-up that happened after I got dumped. The chronology was left out of the scuttlebutt and I'm looking like a total chump as a result.

Today I was given the task of sitting at a empty table and doing nothing. For awhile, I helped another clerk stuff envelopes, but our boss came over and made him sit at a different table, leaving me to sit and wait for Godot.

I used to be deeply involved with the office flow and, until recently, I have always had something to do...but now, I have basically been told to go sit in the corner until told otherwise. I can't read a book or do puzzles, just sit. It's pure, unadulterated hell. I cannot stand enforced nothingness.

I endured this until 1:15, by which time I could feel the rather high ceiling closing in on me, and I wondered what it would be like to have a full-out panic attack at work, a panic episode that occurred while consumed with rage, depression, betrayal and self-doubt.

I'm pretty sure that if I had the sort of meltdown described above in a Federal office, the consequences would be intrusive, severe and long-lasting, so I asked permission to leave work early.

It was granted. It's going to hurt my paycheck, but I can't put a price on self-preservation.

I went home, changed clothes and walked around the neighborhood, trying to decide if I should go back to the office tomorrow or not.

6 comments:

yellowdog granny said...

you need to talk to someone..before you go postal on them..or i do...ask your direct boss..if they give you that story tell them it happened after you were demoted..find out what's going on..maybe it can be fixed...so sorry sweety..

Enemy of the Republic said...

I agree with yellowdog granny; something smells bad here. You are being punished for no good reason; it's so typical of the ass kissing working world. Get it from the boss and don't leave his/her office without a straight answer.

citizen of the world said...

Oh my God! Why would they want you to do nothing??? That is just insane. I hope you can get some clarity on this whole job issue soon.

Craig D said...

You know, I've been in jobs where, in retrospect, I see that my employers were astounded that I "didn't get the hint" that they wanted me to quit.

One example: I was made a QC manager, yet my desk was kept shoved in a corner of the test lab while a specially-built QC office remained empty or used for storage (Yes, as soon as I was gone, my replacement got the office!)

I found myself either being held in contempt or being beneath contempt, depending on the phase of the moon.

If you quit, you get no unemployment benefits, hence the psych-out techniques.

Whoops, my ol' PTSD is kicking' in.

Best wishes, buddy.

billy pilgrim said...

did you invade someone's comfort zone?

angel said...

Dude, I don't understand what they're doing...