Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Microwavable Banana -or -The Slow and Painful Demise of Satire

Not long ago, my friend Cary posted on our band's blog about  a satirical product- the microwavable banana. Unknown to her at the time, there really is such a product available on the market already- an honest-to-Godzilla microwavable banana!

Here is a link to a company that sells them in bulk - by bulk, I mean 20 tons of microwavable bananas shipped in 40-ft cargo containers. That is a lot of bananas, even by my standards.

But is a microwavable banana a good idea?  At first glance, no. So I thought for a while longer.

After reflection, it still seemed like a bad idea.

So I tried it.

The first thing I did was to line the inside of my microwave with aluminum foil to safeguard against the possibility that the banana might detonate- then I set the timer for 60 seconds and closed my eyes against the glare emitting from my just over 30 seconds, I could smell banana quite strongly.

Inside the microwave, a change was taking place:

Long streaks of radioactive ripeness were spreading from either end of the fruit and a pale, viscous froth had begun seeping forth from tiny new ruptures near the stem.

Would 28 additional seconds be too much?  Probably, I decided but nuked it anyway.
28 seconds later, it was still recognizably a banana:

I set the timer for a further 45 seconds and quickly darted outside. Just in case.

It was long , unpleasant 45 seconds for Mister Banana:

He had completely changed color and his skin had ruptured, spilling molten banana guts out onto the foil covering.  But he wasn't quite done at the other end...after ten more seconds of cooking, the banana split....aaahhh.  Finished now.

Next: Light-bulbs and the game of Microwave Chicken.


billy pilgrim said...

did you know there a children in africa with no bananas?

Allan said...

That's because they don't have microwaves.

secret agent woman said...

This looks suspiciously like a baked banana. Stuff some chocolate chips in there, and it makes a surprisingly good dessert.


thats fecking disgusting..ha.
i like to take ripe bananas and peel them(peel from the bottom and you dont get the strings) and wrap them in saran wrap and freeze them..make great summer treats for kids..
you use aluminum foil in the microwave? i thought it would cause it to explode..

Allan said...

SAW- Is it Freudian in here or is it just me?

JS- It's a special foil that I made from leftover UFO parts. Earth foil sucks for microwaving.

angel said...

I don't get it...

more cowbell said...


Herself said...


secret agent woman said...

It's just you. :)