Thursday, April 22, 2010

Flag Torture and a Return To Fallen Empire

From the United States Flag Code:

§8. Respect for flag:

d. The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.

I recently got an email from TeaParty (dot) org with the subject line "Greetings From The Welfare State". The missive began with the hysterical call to "Fight For Repeal! Plan for Escape!" and went on to attempt to terrify the reader by asking these questions about President Obama:

"Many of us spend time trying to place Barack Obama in the correct collectivist phylum. Is he a Saul Alinsky socialist? An Anita Dunn Maoist? A Van Jones Marxist? A mummified Wilsonian progressive suddenly come back to life?"

I'd be willing to bet my last Food Stamp that 99.9% of the Tea Baggers couldn't tell Maoism from Ma Jhong, but they don't have to. The Bagger honchos are aggressively thinking for them, answering their own histrionic queries with:

"Obama is instinctively a dictator, and dictators are surprisingly quick at seizing power [sic]"

The Bagger who wrote that letter liked their  sentence so much that they repeated it in the very next line:

"Whichever label is most apt, Obama is instinctively a dictator, and dictators are surprisingly quick at seizing power."

Um, yeah. Especially when they campaign for nearly two years and are elected by a majority vote in a near-landslide election. The timespan between Election Day and Inaugaration day is less than 90 days- a veritable instant coup! It is a real testament to Obama's dictatorial prowess that he was able to reach the White House without the aid of the Supreme Court or the financial and political support of the companies that manufacture the electronic voting machines used in Presidential elections. Obama's predecessor needed those allies in order to obtain office, but the wily semi-Kenyan managed to get elected without their help. That proves a conspiracy, doesn't it?

I admit that I do support the Tea Bagger's panic-stricken call to "Escape"! I mean, if those pointy-headed "patriots" don't love America, then they should move somewhere that is more to their liking, such as Singapore, Canada or Hong Kong. Think I'm kidding? Here's what the Tea Baggers are saying about Escape:

"So as we fight to take America back... we might also think about how to escape and where to go if the dreaded prospect of an America governed as a (benign?) autocratic state becomes our reality.
Luckily there might still be some states worth escaping to. With the exception of Washington and Florida most states free of income and capital gains taxes (Alaska, Texas, Wyoming, South Dakota, Tennessee) are solidly red and firearm friendly."

But this part is the real kicker- the Tea Baggers claim to be following the footsteps of the American Founding Fathers, the same Fathers who decided to revolt against the British Empire, yet the Baggers are advocating that Americans flee back into the clutches of the dwindled and increasingly feeble British Empire- some bastions of which are located in or adjacent to Communist China! Read this:

"But every patriot knows that there is no second America waiting for us. A few remaining outposts of the British empire - Canada, Australia, New Zealand, India, Singapore, Hong Kong - still retaining deep historical attachments to the rule of law might even welcome us in, especially if we're sufficiently wealthy and skilled."

Um, a minor drawback here. They'd have to leave their guns behind. Most civilized countries have strict laws regarding firearms. But I don't expect the Baggers to understand muchabout the world beyond Europe Bad, Murka Good.

Even if they managed to buy their way into a new country ( and nothing says 'Patriotism!' like purchasing a new nationality), they might find a few unsettling surprises in store for them. Canada is full of French-speaking Socialists; Australia let the Dixie Chicks play concerts on its soil when almost no one else would; New Zealand is a Monarchy that doesn't even have a formal Constitution; India is swarming with dark-skinned Hindus who think they own the place; Singapore has enjoyed it's continued prosperity largely due to a substantial ,progressive national tax increase  passed in 1994 (Baggers want a prosperous nation but are unwilling to pay taxes to fund it) and Hong Kong lives in the oppressive shadow of Red China.

Go, I say to the Baggers.  Go to to Hong Kong and take honest, productive jobs as rickshaw drivers and sex workers. Go to Singapore and get caned under the rule of law. Actually, I don't care where you go, just go. Run away to your precious British Empire and don't come back, you punk-ass surrender monkeys.


Sling said...

I love this!
Baggers can't put two sentences together without committing 4 contradictions.
..Don't even get me started on Birthers.

AC@46 said...

We don't want your Tea Baggers here .. believe me . we are socalist country with universal health care, unimpolymnet insurance and welfare. .. all we would want is their money to pay for our system

By the way .. does tea bagging mean the same in the states as it does here .. not very complimentary.

billy pilgrim said...

i'd bet anything that the vast majority of baggers have never traveled overseas.

Allan said...

S- I think the two groups share a lot of members.

AC- It sure does.

BP- I wouldn't bet against you.


how can we trust them with organizing anything when they can't even spell...feckers

secret agent woman said...

What utter goombahs.

Anonymous said...

Any country is definitely better off without the idiots...
We have some doozies here in SA.