Stab My Back But Please Don't Shoot Me

Last year ended with the revelation that someone I loved and trusted had betrayed me, had been betraying me for months in fact, but their betrayal of my trust had kept them quite busy, so there hadn't been time to inform me of it until well after it was underway.

I couldn't understand it. I was emotionally amputated, damaged and reduced to rubble; there was a crater in my chest where my heart used to live and a family of knives had moved  into my spinal neighborhood. I was a mess and it took a long time for me to feel better, but eventually I did. I reached a sort of peace with my lack of understanding, and concluded that things just are. Deal with it, move on.

Much later, a casual slip of this person's tongue revealed the entirety of their plan to me- all five years of it-  and suddenly it all made sense. What I had been led to believe would happen was never actually supposed to happen, it was all part of a larger plan. I found it unethical and unsavory, but wholly understandable and I honestly can say that at one point in my life I might have done pretty much the same thing, had I had the chance.
The person who betrayed me is considerably younger than myself and values sometimes change, so hey...whatever. I don't agree with what they did, but it is very logical and to their advantage.

One confidante who is privy to the details of the tale used the word 'evil' in his assessment, but I disagree with him.

Unethical, yes.  Evil? No, I don't think so. I've partied with murderers and worse and my former friend is not like those people at all, not in spirit or in deed.

Nevertheless, they did betray me and as a result,someone who once filled my heart and soul is now just an internet buddy that I exchange greetings with when we bump into each other on-line. The anger is gone, but so is the trust and without trust, I don't feel like putting much effort into the friendship.

But this really isn't about that situation, I just used it to illustrate how I feel about betrayal.

You see, I consider our receptionist at work to be a close friend. This is a strictly on-the-job friendship and could never really be more that that, but we have developed a very close personal rapport that makes my job that much easier to deal with and I think she feels the same way.

So it bothered me a few weeks ago when she asked me if I had left a note on her desk and would I mind taking a look at it?  Sure.

It was partially typed and partially hand-written in what looked like deliberately messy handwriting...handwriting that resembled my own sloppy scribbling. The message itself was cryptic and  work-specific, it would make no sense to anyone not working in our line of work, but it wasn't profane or sexual- it was accusatory and unsigned. This stirred up a cloud of suspicion over almost everyone, my co-worker Dan said it looked like my handwriting...I volunteered a handwriting sample and was cleared, but still...who left the note, and why?

Meanwhile, my friend Dan has been slipping at work for sometime. Yesterday a Big Boss from HQ came down to speak with him and he called out sick, which really, really pissed her off. So she went around the office asking about him- among the things she learned about Dan:

-He told a short , elderly customer that he did not like her and would not help her. He was apparently slapping the palm of his hand with the backside of his other hand while he said this. The customer was, and is, terrified of him.

-He has told several people that he likes to drink , heavily and alone. 

-After receiving many complaints about his lack of customer service, he wrote back to a lower boss calling it "bullshit" and asking why he has to deal with people who keep entering his workspace. He works in the copy room, it is open to anyone in the office and his job is help them...he called this "bullshit" in an email. To a manager.

-He spends almost all of his workday browsing the internet.

-He looks almost exclusively at websites devoted to handguns and ammunition. He is not at all shy about his browsing habits, it is not unusual to walk into the copy room and see pictures of automatic pistols or  on-line ammo catalogs displayed on his monitor. Hours and hours spent staring at gun porn on the job...it has made more than a few people nervous, myself included.

-He told the receptionist that he recently purchased two guns.

- His Sunday Facebook post mentions buying ammunition at a local sporting goods shop.

The kicker is the video camera footage. It revealed Dan as the one who left the nasty, disruptive note a few weeks back. He tried to set me up.

Why? What was he trying to achieve? And why was he so quick to point the finger at me?

You see, I used to work with Dan at another job and I considered him a friend. In fact, I was the one who got him the job that he has lost as of today. They finally-finally- fired him. He won't be back on the job, not unless he decides to come back and start shooting people. Which is not beyond the realm of possibility.

And questions remain. Why has he been so bizarre lately, obsessed with guns and claiming that he likes to drink- a lot and alone...why did he leave that crazy note and why blame me?

I'm not afraid of him physically but he owns two guns, has some sort of unreasonable anger against almost everyone and he knows where I live.

I got him a job in a time of record unemployment and he betrays me by trying to frame me for his misdeed and then doing such a lousy job that I felt compelled to apologize for recommending him in the first place. That was humiliating, I vouched for him and he was a total fuck-up.

The whole thing makes me feel  crazy. Why do I suddenly have an enemy? We've never had angry words or any real differences at all, yet he tried to get me fired. Why?

Why?