McCain and Gramm Sitting in a Tree

The collapse of Enron continues to trickle down on us little people. I must admit that until recently, I had never heard of the so-called Enron Loophole.

Keef-O has an excellent report on it here.

The Enron Loophole permitted unregulated electronic trading of oil futures, which led to speculators "gaming" the market by betting on (and agreeing to set) the future price of oil and other commodities without meddlesome Gubbermint interference...Republican Congressman Phil Gramm was instrumental in the lobbying effort that got this provision rammed through Congress and signed by Bill Clinton.
The Loophole, according to many reports, was directly responsible for, among other things, the Californian energy crisis of 2000-2001 (which gave us Gubbiner Ahnold) and the sharp and steady rise in oil prices worldwide.

Phil Gramm is currently a senior economic advisor for John McCain. John McCain, in years that he isn't running for President, has been a staunch supporter of the Enron L-Hole. He changes what he says during election years, a consistent pattern in the Senator's speeches...in 2007, he criticized then-opponent Rudy Giuliani for having "absolutely no foreign policy experience"...yesterday Giuliani-at McCain's request- was publicly defending McCain's proposed policy of endless, unwinnable war...how did Rudy go from "know-nothing" to "expert" in six months?


Congress recently passed the Farm Bill, which includes a provision for closing the Enron L-Hole.
The bill, of course, was vetoed by Bush, with the support of John McCain- the same John McCain who rejects expanding the benefits granted to our veterans by the G.I. Bill as being:"too expensive"...support the troops? He'd rather not do that, it costs too much money...it would be difficult to cut taxes on the Super-Rich and support the troops at the same time and former POW or not, McCain has shown his true colors.
Fortunately, Congress had enough votes to override the Bush veto. It's about time the Limpocrats finally did something, says I.

I'm embarrassed that I once defended McCain's integrity when he was smeared by Karl Rove's machine prior to the 2000 South Carolina primary election.
It turns out that McCain hasn't any integrity whatsoever. A shame.

A vote for McCain is a vote for Phil Gramm and the Enron Legacy.
It's a vote to increase the number of homeless vets .
It's a vote for Five Dollar Gas.
It's a vote for a man who prefaces every third spoken sentence with the meaningless phrase "my friends". That annoying oratory tic might actually piss me off more than his dangerous politics.


Do America a favor. Don't elect John McCain.

Shot Across the Bough

*ding-a-ling* ding-a-ling*

I awoke to the sound of bells. At first, I dreamily thought of ice cream trucks; in my sleepy mind it seemed perfectly reasonable that an ice cream van would be making the rounds at 8 AM- the only question was: could I get dressed in time to catch it?

But my head cleared and I realized I wasn't hearing Good Humor, I was hearing Jingle Bells. And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. And Winter Wonderland.

Across the street, the hospital had erected a small Christmas display- nothing ostentatious, just a few fake trees and some lights- but this year they had added an audio element- a loudspeaker blaring a handful of X-Mas Muzak songs in an endless cycle.
The brick wall of the hospital acted as an amplifier- the sound reflected off the wall and echoed back directly into my apartment- I like to read and write in silence- so those activities were proscribed...maybe some TV?
It was unseasonably warm outside and I had the window open, which allowed fresh air and stale music to enter- at one point, I couldn't hear the news announcer because 'Winter Wonderland' was drowning her out.

After an hour of watching Close Caption TV, I walked across the street to the hospital, where I asked the receptionist if there was someone that I could speak to regarding the loudspeaker outside.
She didn't know, but she did answer two of my questions.

-The music would only play between 8 AM and 9 PM. This meant I would only have to hear Frosty the Snowman 37 times per day.

- It would only be played until X-mas. X-Mas was 29 days away, which meant I'd only have to hear Frosty 1,073 times over the next four weeks...I felt prematurely waterboarded.

The lady helpfully took my name and number and assured me that someone would call me, but they never did. I called a few hours later, the same lady answered the phone, which lead me to voice mail limbo. Eventually, I abandoned my home for the evening;Rudolph and Frosty had won.
I retreated from Retreat Hospital, defeated and distraught.
For the moment.

That night, I was explaining the situation to a friend. She suggested I call the ACLU.
Huh? Why?
Because it's a X-Mas display on public property...yadda, yadda...maybe I could call City Hall.
City Hall?

My friend missed the point. It could be a Nativity Scene, a giant Buddha or Madonna* on a fucking cross- that wouldn't bother me- it's the constant noise that was driving me mad; I felt like the killer in Poe's Tell-Tale Heart, except without the murder.
Make it stop. Make it stop.
The thought of having to endure it for another 28 days was unbearable. Unfortunately, I had to return home at some point...maybe tomorrow I could talk to someone 'in charge'.

The next morning it started again. I asked a different Desk Lady about the Muzak speakers. She said Security was in charge of the display.
Great! There's a Security Guard right here- I'll ask him if he can turn the Muzak box off.
He didn't know how. I wanted to call him an idiot but he had a gun, so I politely asked if there is someone who might know.

At 9 pm a man will come and turn it off.
Oh.

There are 31 Frosties between now and 9pm.
31 Rudolphs.
By 9 PM Winter Wonderland will have played 31 times, yet it will have snowed not a single flake. It is 60 degrees outside.
There may be several hundred playings of Wonderland until we see snowfall here- if we ever do. It doesn't matter, I'll have gone mad by that time. The X-Mas siege is only in it's second day and I'm already near the edge. I doubt that I'll last a week.

So I walked outside and stood underneath the deck. Directly over my head the loudspeaker blared the melody of Frosty the Snowman, # 41 in a series of 1,073- it wouldn't be impossible to climb up there, I thought, but there are cameras, guards, lots of traffic etc...I may be an anarchist but that doesn't mean I enjoy going to jail.


I ruled out the climbing option. I had a better idea. Loudspeakers, just like lights, use electricity.
I saw two cords plugged into an outdoor outlet on one of the deck's columns. I unplugged the one that wasn't blinking.

Ah.

I walked out to the sidewalk and looked up. The trees were glowing in golden silence.



--------------------------------------

(*As long as she isn't singing)

Don't Join The Baby Seal Club

I think I have undergone a cuddly, Kafkaesque transformation. Unlike Gregor Samsa in Kafka's famous The Metamorphosis, I do not wake up and find that I have become a vile giant insect. I wake and am somewhat slow in realizing that I have changed into a precious Baby Seal.

Goddamn, but I am a cute bastard, I think as I look into the mirror. And it is true, for I am adorable. I'm a baby motherfuckin' seal!

Hello Mr. Bus Driver!

Hello My Favorite Passenger!

The driver grins and lowers the wheelchair access ramp for me so I can waddle aboard.
A disembarking gentleman gently lifts me into one of the front seats before stepping off onto the sidewalk. He waves goodbye.
I make a squeaking sound, pleased.

The entire bus erupts in cheers and applause, two dozen beaming smiles light the vehicle's interior with a warmth that would make roses bloom. I resist the urge to take a bow, a prudent caution given that I have no legs or waist with which to bow.

Instead, I wiggle my flippers in happy reply.

They love me, I think.

I love them back. It's a special feeling on the bus. This is the bus to happiness and I am it's happiest passenger.
We are riding on paradise and I'm the only one who knows it.
It shouldn't be a secret.
Who should I tell?
I tell everyone I see, and they all concur.
Some of the people even give me sardines.
Life is good. You don't have to be a baby seal to know that.

At lunchtime, I try to tell this to the Fur Trappers.
Using mallets, they bludgeon me to the edge of extinction.
Crimson stains blossom on my snow-white coat.

I escape their nets and somehow manage to make it back to my lodgings.
On my porch, someone has left a bucket of herring guts decorated with a ribbon. I nourish myself with this gift and my wounds quickly mend, my fur regains it's unsullied fuzzy whiteness.

Ahhh...

And that's how it's been the last two days. Everyone I meet either wants to cuddle and feed me or they want to beat me with blunt objects and flay me alive. That's how people react to baby seals. Cuddle or destroy. Compassion or cruelty.
There are no minor events, only the grandest of celebrations and the starkest of tragedies.

Ahhh...*ahem*

Dude. Don't you think that just maybe you are getting a bit worked up over a few bills and petty aggravations? Why don't you change back into a human and start over, and try making sense this time, eh?

Um. Ok.

Well, yesterday sucked. But I can't go into that here because it involves 150 other people.

So...good news!

Today I finally got my raise! It's only a few cents an hour, but it's retroactive to the beginning of the year- I am suddenly two hundred dollars ahead!

When I got home, my mailbox was jammed with bills. First I open my power bill.

Good news! The power company has issued me a credit for nearly $175! I had been over-charged last summer, something I thought was a lost cause, but someone must have filed a class action or something...I dunno, all I know is I won't have a power bill for months!

Hot Buttery Damn! How often do you open the power bill and do a Snoopy Dance?
First, a retroactive raise and then a credit from the Electric. Now I'm $375 ahead!

Keep on rollin'...

The cable bill is exactly what it should be. The last one.
I have canceled my cable and decided to save the money for better things: fifty bucks a month = $600 a year. That's airfare to London, that's what.

This makes me pause and think of other good news- today I got confirmation from the State Department that I will have my Passport within three weeks. Application approved! Anyway...

That leaves the phone bill, which is always the same.

Except it's not. It's $375 more than it should be. I have let my guard down and Verizon has shafted me to the tune of ninety cents a minute- for 400+ minutes! After sifting through the gobbledegook, I find that next month my DSL goes up from $15 to $40. Injury! Insult!


Screw that. I had to work my ass off to get that $15 price- years ago, Verizon had tacked me with $400 of long-distance that I contested-and won.
After they cleared my account , I was so mad I told them to cancel me, I was switching. To appease me and keep me on-board, they offered me ultra-cheap DSL and a cheap long-distance plan that was subject to change.
Frickin' fine print. Damn me for missing it.

I called the competition and got my services switched- at about half the price. The slight increase in my new DSL is offset by the savings on the phone, so I feel pretty good about it- I'll save about twenty bucks a month...

Hmmm...for twenty bucks extra, the new company will add digital cable w/ a year of HBO.

Sold!

Dude. So after all that kvetching and gnashing, you are basically even, money-wise, as well as being a few steps closer to travel? Things have evened out and as a bonus you also get cable TV again . Is that what you mean? Is it?

Uh...yeah. I guess it is. Balance is maintained and all that. Harmony, y'know?

So have you learned anything from this?

Um...it's better to act like a man than to feel like a seal?

Welcome to the world. Have a sardine.