Loud Obbs-ervations

Lou Dobbs

A friend was recently exhorting me to watch Lou Dobbs.

Dobbs, explained my interlocuter, was the spokeswhiteman for the latest incarnation of the KKK and was busily spreading his message of hate and bigotry on CNN and nobody was doing anything about it.
My friend suggested that I, being a famous DJ and notorious blogger, could do something to put an end to Dobbs.

"You gotta stop Dobbs", plead my friend, "he's more politically incorrect than a month of Columbus Days."

"Slow down", I said in response, " when you get excited, you no speak English so good, ya know?"

I didn't have the heart to tell my amigo that I actually like Lou Dobbs. I disagree with Lou on a great many things, but how could you not like a man who attracts women with such excellent 'fiction names'?

KITTY PILGRIM

I can't think of Kitty Pilgrim without thinking of Kurt Vonnegut.

She has traveled to the top of Mt. Cable and discovered that the guru on the peak is Lou Dobbs and the Mount is really just another offal heap.
I would like to write a Vonnegut tribute riff featuring a heroine with Ms. Pilgrim's name , but she has already claimed it.



CHRISTINE ROMANS

If the Revelations are to be televised, I can't think of a better person to deliver the scoop on the End Times than an announcer named Christine Romans.

Romans is also one of my favorite books in the Bible. Like many people, I take Bible excerpts completely out of context and interpret them to fit my needs; to me, Romans Chapter Seven suggests that the best way for a married woman to avoid adultery is to kill her husband.
Amen!
But I digress...

KELLY ARENA

I once started a short story featuring a young schizophrenic woman named Kelli Arena. Her only friends were hundreds of tiny plastic soldiers and dinosaurs, she had given unique personalties and backgrounds to each toy warrior and saurian...in her mind, the two groups were always forming plots and conspiring against each other- and her...anyway, once I found out there was a real person named Kelly Arena, I lost interest in the story.

Kelli Arena might seem like the sort of name one would expect to see featured on productions such as Midsummer's Night Bukkake Vol. 26, but changing that 'i' to a 'y' makes a world of difference and you will see the real Mrs. Arena on CNN, not exiting a van in the parking lot of a Van Nuys 'Studio 6'.

Her quasi- Puritanical garb, friendly but professional smile and confident posture strike a stark contrast to the bleak future faced by her deleted, demented namesake, whom I suddenly feel like rescuing from the recycle bin.



Well.
I pretty much feel like writing about anything but Lou Fucking Dobbs, but a promise is a promise...oh hell, I can't stop Lou Dobbs.
Are you nuts?

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