If I buy my gift wrapping paper today I will save a dollar.
The cost of a Saturday newpaper is a mere 75 cents, while a Sunday fishwrap costs $1.75; it used to be worth the extra buck just because the colorful Sunday Funnies made such excellent gift-wrap but the comics section is so small these days that it's virtually useless as wrapping.
I miss that double sized-funny papers section.
When using 'newswrapper' today, care must be taken to avoid using headlines like " Car Bomb Kills 38" when wrapping gifts , especially on those presents that are intended for persons with delicate sensibilities.
This is harder than it sounds.
Ah...I'm kidding. I'm not using newspaper to wrap gifts this year.
I have none to wrap.
The things that I have to offer on Christmas are the same things that I have to offer on the 364 other days of the year- not much to offer at all, really, not that it stops me from trying.
Here.
Take this.
What's that?
A flimsy box of jagged, bloody shards , the prettiest scars left by the deepest cuts from the dullest blades , gaily decorated with the headlines of yesterday's murders.
With bells and ribbons.
Who wants that?
Put that box under the tree , toss the rope over the lowest stout branch.
Giddeyap.
