Monday, May 24, 2004

Anything is Possible

If I do this right, I just may be able to pull it off. I'll leave work a few minutes early-dash into the pharmacy and pick up my Xanax, stop at the liquor store and drive directly home. I should be able to get home shortly after 7 p.m. That'll leave me almost an hour to wash down those lovely little pills with vodka. I normally drink beer, but I'm pressed for time tonight.
With any luck, I'll be so fucked up by 8 p.m that I can watch Bush's speech without throwing a cinder block through my television. If I can manage to get truly, profoundly wasted, his feeble utterances may even begin to resemble human speech.
Perhaps I'll get really lucky and have an LSD flash-back. In that case, he may even sound like he's making sense.
I'm less than sanguine about this possibility.
About the best I can hope for is to either a) pass out at 7:59 or, b) get stuck in traffic and miss the whole sorry spectacle.
I guess I could just not watch it-that would be about as easy to do as not slowing down to gawk at a 10-car pile-up on the highway.
Maybe the power will go out and I'll wind up reading by candlelight. I'm such an optimist...


Lyzard said...

I find Bush's speeches easier to take if you make a game out of it with alcohol. Every single time he mentions God or makes a religious reference, take a shot. You'll be fucked up the first couple minutes into it. The same end can be reached if you take a shot every time he confuses causation and correlation or even assumes correlations that may or may not exist. I personally enjoy the idea that my drinking is faith-based. :)

Allan said...

I will certainly try that during his next speech. My first shot will be a toast to you.Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Frankly, my girlfreind takes my mind off that lyin, weasly little cocksucker that we so euphimistically call the Preznit...she has this thing she does with her tongue and it makes me just lay backm, sigh with pleasure and then groan as her mouth is filled with my fuck BUSH or as he is known in our locale...Shrub Boy!

Allan said...