Sunday, July 04, 2004

Cheery Lemonade

This morning I was listening to a story on NPR about an office worker lamenting his work-place invisibility. I can relate.

I didn't hear the whole thing because my brakes failed and I ran into the back of a pick-up truck. Life is funny like that.

It was a very low-speed collision, no damage or injury. I was lucky I hit one of my neighbors- he's a nice guy and said not to worry about it. I like my neighbor.

Being around people you like makes everything better.

Having to call my Grandmother and tell her I was stuck in Richmond and wasn't visiting her makes the Fourth of July worse.
I had no back-up plan. No car is a bummer, but I've been meaning to get it worked on for awhile now... last week I asked by boss if I could take some time off to put my '89 Honda in the shop- he said if it had to stay overnight ,I could use one of the Auto Pool cars to get home and back to work. Hooray for Cool Boss!

(Boss, I promise to show up for work sober at least three days a week. This time I mean it).

Instead of moping around the house I'm making CD's on my nearly obsolete CD burner. And Cheery Lemonade. Here's the recipe:

Bag of fresh lemons : Make sure these are real lemons, not a plastic facsimile containing bitter fluid of unknown origin.

Pure Cane Sugar.:Do Not use fructose or corn syrup. You will be consumed by a suffocating sense of self-loathing if you do. So don't.

Water. The cleaner, the better. Try not to think about what's in your water. Try harder.

Ice: You can use water( see above) to make this. Find the coldest part of your fridge and put some water in it.
Wait for hours.

A fruit juicer: The old-fashioned kind. The harder you struggle, the better the lemonade tastes.

Beer Pitcher: Drink the beer and clean the pitcher.Steal one from local pub if you don't have one.

1 20lb. Bag of Kitty Litter: While you're waiting for your ice to freeze, why not change the cat-box? Lemonade tastes better when your apartment doesn't smell like cat piss.

Cut the lemons in half. Mash the leaky parts of the bisected fruit against the pointy part of the fruit squeezer. Do this vigorously. Think of someone you hate while you do this.Or someone you want to fuck. Or someone you'd hate to fuck.
Continue squeezing and mashing until the lemons are spent and empty. Drain juice and pulp into beer pitcher. Discard hollow fruit.
Add water and sugar. Do this gradually, tasting as you go.Be careful here.
Once the lemonade is too thin, or too sweet, it's too late.


nick said...

Once again, a simple recipe made complicated, and all for the better!

Allan said...

My first novel will be a neurotic cook book.