My Twelve Step Program Goes to Thirteen

1.We admitted we prefer our senses as blurred as responsible behavior allows.

2.Came to believe that only we are responsible for our actions.

3.Made a decision to consider those who claim to 'understand God' as lunatics.

4.Made a merciless moral judgement of others and found them lacking.

5.Took the fifth amendement and decided our problems were no one else's business.

6.Were ready to accept ourseleves as we are, warts and all.

7.Decided that humility is a shortcoming.

8.Made a list of all the people we have wronged and concluded that most of them deserved it.

9.Burned all our bridges, dodged all our bullets and returned our library books in a timely fashion.

10. Refused to take shit from anyone or take the blame for stuff that's plausibly deniable.

11. Took whatever measures neccesary to avoid religious zealots.

12. Having achieved some slight level of contentment, we decided not to force our opinions on anyone who doesn't solicit them.

13. Let ourselves off the hook for fucking up the first twelve steps.