Wednesday, August 18, 2004

It's All True

There's a lady in the break room who's very dissatisfied with the taste and texture of the peas in her frozen dinner. They are 'yucky'. Do I want them?
Gee, thanks. I love me some yucky frozen peas! I tell her that freezing peas turns the starch molecules into saturated fat-that's why canned peas taste better than frozen.

Really? That makes sense. (No, it doesn't)

Is that why frozen corn tastes funny, too?

Yeah-don't eat that stuff. It's very bad for you.

I really shouldn't tell people stuff like that, but it's really her fault for believing it. Some people will believe anything.

Fluorescent lights cause tooth decay- the radiation sucks the fluoride out of your teeth. It's true!

Those 'breath strips'? They're made out of insect wings. Scout's honor!

Cochineal, a red coloring used in foods and cosmetics, is made from ground and roasted beetles. (This really is true, but no one believes me)

During electrical storms, a static charge can build in cell-phones, causing them to detonate. A friend of a co-worker's cousin lost a hand this way. Tell people you got this info from someone in the insurance business.

Speaking of cell-phones, did you know that a five-minute cell call exposes you to radiation equivalent to a half-dozen X-rays. Truth!

Did you know the thumbtack was first designed for use as an assassin's weapon? Smear some poison on it, place on the King's throne and voila! An amusing coup d'etat!

For god's sake, if you get any copy machine toner on your hands, wash it off RIGHT NOW! That stuff can kill you!

Did you know that 35% of what is sold as turkey is actually chicken? You don't want to know what 25% of what is sold as chicken really is. Really!

The gas inside bubble wrap causes cancer, so stop popping it!

Hey, would I lie?


tif said...

heehee! that was a cute one. thanks for the link. im linking you back :)

Lyzard said...

I love me some yucky frozen peas, too! Most of all though, I like my insect wing breath strips. There's nothing that makes me feel all minty fresh like the paper thin iridescence of dragonfly wings.

Allan said...

There's big money in dragonfly ranching!