New York- Sen. John McCain stunned the audience at the Republican National Convention last night when he used his keynote address to publicly call for the cancellation of this year's Presidential election and the immediate dismissal of the entire Federal government.
"We need to get the rat-bastards out of Washington", said a red-faced McCain. "That means all of them. The ones who don't go to prison will have to get real jobs".
Despite the overflow crowd, Madison Square Garden was silent.
" Look, people", the Arizona Republican continued," we all know our President is a dangerous lunatic- his years of binge-drinking and coke addiction have fucked him up way more than six years in a Viet Cong prison ever could. I oughta know".
Vice-President Dick Cheney left the arena, assisted by EMT personnel. His condition was described as "apoplectic".
McCain further stated that while he "applauds and respects" ( Bush opponent) John Kerry's military record, he finds the Democratic candidate to be "a bit of a drip, personally".
Claiming "non-partisan indifference", the decorated veteran said he was "sick of dealing with all the bullshit" , and suggested that both major political parties ,"leave me the hell alone".
Aides to Mr. Bush said the President was unlikely to act on McCain's recommendations.
A spokesperson from the Kerry campaign stated that while John Kerry praises Sen. McCain's military service, he feels that the Senator may have "finally flipped his lid", adding ,"on the other hand, a lot of what he said makes sense".
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