Laundry's Dirty Secret

There’s this laundromat near my house that I’ve been going to for years. It’s got a secluded parking lot in the rear with a wooden staircase leading to the rear entrance.
There is almost always a different expensive, unlocked racing type bike under the stairs. I’ve often wondered who would leave a pricey bike unlocked under the stairs behind an inner city laundry. It’s always a different bike, so there must be a lot of careless people using my laundromat. Sometimes I sit on the stairs and swill beer while I’m washing clothes , but I’ve never seen any of the care-free cyclists. Never really thought about it much.

I went to do my laundry a few nights ago and something caught my eye. Under the stairs was a brand new guitar amp. A really nice one. What’s up with that?
Admittedly , guitarists are a stoned and stupid lot, but it’s unlikely anyone would take their amp to the laundry and leave it outside, unattended in the rain. Maybe it’s broken. I can probably fix it if it is, but it looks like it just left the store. What could be wrong with it?

Inside, the coin-op is empty except for Enormous Washer Woman. Where’s the amp’s owner? I think about asking EWW about it, but I’m pretty much terrified by her. She seems too large to fit through the exits, so I’ve always assumed she never leaves the laundry, ever. That kind of captivity makes people crazy. I’m not especially prone to cowardice, but 450 pound women with evil gleaming beady eyes scare me. I choose a washer at the far end and load it up and leave.

That amp is still there. Right where the bikes usually are.

It’s a Hardy Boys moment. High dollar bikes. Expensive music gear. All stashed in an out -of-the- way place. A-HA!

I’ve stumbled across a criminal enterprise. This must be where stolen goods are exchanged/hidden/sold. I don’t know the details. I don’t want to know. I do, however, want that amplifier. It takes me thirty seconds to wrestle it into the back of my car, which is about twice as long as I wrestled with my conscience before deciding to snag it.

Back home, the amp works fine. It’s insanely loud. It sounds great. I wanna form a band just so I can play through my new treasure. Man, this thing cranks!

I wonder if I should tip off the police about the dirty laundry. I probably should, but with my record, I’d probably get busted for receiving stolen property or something-in any case, the only evidence I have is the amp, and I don’t feel like turning it over to the cops.

I guess I’ll do my wash elsewhere from now on.