Never, under any circumstances , tell yourself ,”at least it can’t get any worse”.
Because it will.
Today, my last remaining dream has been shattered.
Some really smart guy named Eric Drexler wrote a book in the Eighties about the then nascent nano-technology revolution, in which he put forth what’s known as the “Grey Goo Theory”.
He speculated that self-replicating “assembler” nano-bots could run amok, converting organic matter (plants, animals, ex-lovers etc.) into more nano-bots, eventually devouring everything, leaving the Earth covered with a “Grey Goo” comprised entirely of nano-bots.
This is the sort of secular, scientific Anti-Rapture that’s much more fun to fantasize about than nuclear war or global plague. I even prefer it to Space Alien Annihilation.
I used to find solace in thinking that, one day soon, I’d be turned to slime. It’s why I never pay my bills on time. What’s the point on staying current, if we’re gonna be assimilated into molecular-level slime machines ?
Well, this August, Mr. Drexler dismissed his own theory. Now he says that the chances of nano-bots eating the world are roughly about the same as a drill-press or sewing machine directly causing global destruction-I mean ,it could still happen, but the odds are decidedly longer.
How come no one told me sooner? I just found out today. Thanks to the scientific community for letting me maintain my delusional hopes for the last couple months. You egghead slide-rule bastards owe me a new apocalypse theory.
Avian Flu? Booorrinng and survivable.
Asteroid impact? Sorry guys, but you’ve cried ‘wolf’ too many times.
Global Warming? I can’t wait that long, and it may be survivable anyway.
Nuclear Armageddon? With the end of the Cold War, the odds of a globe-killing nuke-war went way, way down. Bummer.
Damn it! If I pick up the paper and read a headline such as “ Scientists Announce Cure For Everything-Immortality For Everyone” , I will tie myself to the train tracks .
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