Until last night , I've been feeling a tad bit of anxiety. Actually, I've been lurching toward a barely funtional state of neurosis and complete emotional core melt- down.
All carefully concealed , of course. I've had a lifetime of practice.
Nice Office Lady asked yesterday," are you OK? You've been awful quiet lately."
For days, I've been hearing a tornado-roar of Bad Thoughts, Bad Memories,Implausible Fantasies and a long,long list of Things That Could Go Wrong. Without my little pills, I'd lie awake all night, agonizing over something minor that happened in 1986, or some equally irrational thing. All this inner noise gets so loud that it feels like the sheer pressure of it will cause my eyeballs to eject from their sockets.
"I'm fine, I'm just thinking", I lie by way of reply. But I am honestly touched that she asked. The Thinking Howl quieted down a bit, allowing me to finally finish a massive and lethally repetitive project. That felt good.
So I went home and waited for the debate. I didn't feel very sanguine about the outcome-in recent weeks Kerry seems to have lost the will to win. Who can blame him? I would rather have a job unloading bundles of soggy newspaper from trailer trucks in 100 degree heat( done that) than be President in these fucked up times.
Well, this Bud's for you, Mr. Kerry.
Kerry was excellent, in my subjective opinion.
Even the right-wing media called it a "draw."
If it had been a draw, the RWM would have labelled it a beat-down by Bush.
Sidebar: Why do so many Citizens feel that "likability" or who'd you rather have a beer with or invite to a cook-out is relevant to choosing our leaders? What nonsense. BTW, I'd rather hang-out with Kerry. He seems like someone you could sit down and have a lucid and well-informed conversation with- on a wide range of subjects. I love talking to people who know more than I do.
It's called learning.
With Dubya, I have a feeling the discourse would be reduced to "lookit the tits on that one!" after the fifth beer. Maybe after the first. I honestly don't feel any connection with his phony cowboy persona, but I can't argue with the fact that it works for almost half of the country.
If you didn't see the debate, look elsewhere for the blow-by-blow and draw yer own conclusion. Don't make me provide links-you can't swing a dead virtual cat by it's digital tail without hitting better commentary than I can provide.
Anyway, I slept better last night and felt pretty good at work today. There was a huge feast for one of the higher-ups, and it was great. I've got a fridge full of left-over goodies-enough to get me through the weekend, at least.
GOP Office Lady asked me if I watched the debate. I thought she was picking a fight, but instead she told me she was "undecided" now. We had a nice, civil discussion, more history than politics. I was eloquent, accurate and convincing. How rare.
I think I've picked up a vote for the Dems. Hooray for me!
I've been pissed at new boss (who I've never met) for killing my overtime. Really pissed.
Today, he calls and asks me how it's going.
Well, I've got 1500 files to process, I really need that filing cabinet and at least two cases of paper. I haven't had three consecutive days off in over a year and I'm losing my mind. When do I get my filing cabinet?
It's on the way, he says. Tells me that I'm about two weeks ahead of where the Company had projected I'd be after the latest storm batch. He's heard a lot of very good things about me(!) and is extremely impressed with my performance. New boss and old boss decided to send the Big Boss
a memo suggesting I be hired for the National Catastrophe Team-this time I'm not making it up.
No one wants to be on Nat Cat, because it means never being home. To me, that's a plus. They also give you a year's salary as a signing bonus, if you agree to work for five years. That's incentive! I don't really wanna go to Florida though-I'd rather go west and work Earthquake or Volcano(!) claims. The pot in the west is so much better than here, and it's pretty good here...
So yeah, things are looking better.
Lenore? I'm going to stop mentioning her, because it looks like she might be around for a while, which would mean she'd eventually meet friends/read this, etc.
I hope so.
P.S. A special 'fuck-off' to you twisted asshats looking for beheading videos. Does torture, suffering and murder turn you sick bastards on? It makes me sick. You make me sick.