I've got the coat and tie thing going. I'm in a small corporate meeting room, being interviewed by a trio of "role-playing" and carefully diverse HR weasels.
This shit gets old in a hurry. I'm becoming cranky and confrontational, which is sort of a bad approach to a job interview. I don't even want this job-I don't even know what it is.
It's all starting to blur together. I'm tired of trotting out the same old bullshit about what I did and didn't like about my prior jobs; lies about challenges, rewards and teamwork.
What did I like about my last job?
My DVD drive.
Excuse me?
On most weekends I'd be in the office alone. I used to watch DVD's between phone calls. One Sunday I watched the entire Band of Brothers series , made a couple hundred bucks doing it too, since I was on overtime.
If the HR weasels didn't have such tiny beady eyes, I'd swear I could see them spinning in their sockets. The candidate just went off-script! What do we do now? The groupthink training seminar didn't prepare us for this!
It strikes me as odd that an unexpected response from an irritable crackpot can fluster a trio of so-called 'professionals'. It's a rush, really. I feel empowered.
So, how would I feel about working in a more, uh, supervised environment?
I'd fucking hate it. Every minute you stare over my shoulder is another minute I can't get any work done.
The echo of the word 'fucking' hangs in the air like passed gas.
Can you excuse us for one moment please? The weasels leave the room.
They come back.
Well, Mr. C, we don't currently have any openings , but we'll keep your file on record should anything arise.
They are lying. I put my file in my jacket while they were out of the room.
I leave without shaking any weasel paws.
------- ---------- ----------
I decided to re-assess my career goals. My new objective is to see the Pixies and then drive to Chicago and stay drunk until Solstice . I'll crash with my twin brother and eat Polish Sausage between museum visits. Polish Sausage isn't unhealthy if you eat it in Chicago.
Then I'll drive the Twin home for the holidays.
At some point after the New Year I'll consider re-joining the 'real' world.
Until then, y'all can lick my stick.
(Not you, gentle reader. The Twin is getting a PC as an early Solstice gift. I'll keep in touch. )
4 comments:
twins!
Ever consider teaching music? I've been doing it for 3 years now (ever since I could no longer take working for other people who were much less intelligent, and only having days off at the mercy of employers). After 3 years of building up my student roster, I'm working about part-time, making about as much as at my annoying full-time wage slave job, and enjoying life 500% more.
Despite the uncertainties of self-employment, I would highly recommend it over wage-slavery. If not teaching music, then figure out what else you enjoy doing well, and who might pay you to do it, then set up some goals and some marketing materials and go for it...
-val
I don't think I'm qualified to teach music. I can't read or write a note. That doesn't stop me from playing though.
I traded my Atari Video Game for a Fender (copy) Guitar in 1984. Six months later I'm playing lead guitar in bars.Badly.
I don't understand the math behind music. To me it's just, 'goes like this and then this and back to this, but a little different'. My band-mates would say something like 'it's a dim, then a minor and changes on the third" . I'd just grin and nod like I had the slightest clue. I play pretty darn good though.
I used to make extra change recording demo tapes, back in the reel-to-reel days. That was hard work, but I loved it.
You've called me on my fatal flaw- I'm good at almost everything-but I truly suck at marketing myself. And I believe more than I should about stuff that's said behind my back.
I think it's my weakest spot- self promotion. Watch my band . Buy my comic book. Why is my shit better than Brand X?
Aarghh.
It's not.It's just different. I hope.
Because I can't take much more of the same.
your fatal flaw is not so uncommon - marketing is a skill unto its own, and it can be especially hard to blow your own horn.
teaching music doesn't sound so viable if you can't read it, but hell, you're a great writer, so maybe that's something you could parlay into income.
I went to a workshop a few years ago where the speaker talked about how a successful business needs 3 elements - product, financial management, and marketing. He spoke about how some people might be very good at (and really enjoy doing) 1 or 2 of those 3 things, but almost no one is good/enjoys all three. So most businesses need to find other people to fill the missing elements. And if you can get someone to do it for free (maybe barter your service or product for their help), that's even better. (for example, I suck at financial management, so this year I'm finding a bookkeeper, hopefully someone who'll take farm goods in exchange for at least some of their work.)
cheers...
val
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