Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Tilting at The Grail

I'm at the point in life where most men ditch their wives, buy a convertible sports car, get a really bad toupee and start 'dating' a 21-year old girl with a name like Candi or Brandi. Guys, this mid-life crisis shit is pathetic. You aren't fooling anyone. Your children despise you. Your wife just gave head for the first time in fifteen years; I know this because she told me while she was doing it.

So, while you're busy pursuing what's considered middle-aged white male success , I'm finding new and interesting ways to fail without plunging headlong into perpetual despair.

Sometimes it's with the doomed nobility of an Arthurian Knight on a hopeless Quest. I refer to these endeavors as 'Art' and 'Love'. I recognize that my fleeting Rock Star days have come and gone, but I've at least kissed that sky. Mid-Life Crisis Guy (MLCG) thinks playing 'air guitar' lends him an aura of youthful charm. Boy, is he wrong.

Love? Another valiant lost cause. I'm no Lancelot, and MLCG ain't exactly Arthur; but I can accept unrequited and/or doomed love without sending myself into exile. Mostly. Besides, I like older women-have you looked at your wife lately,MLCG? I bet she doesn't dress for you the same way she dressed for me. You make her feel like shit, and that makes you an asshole. The next time she calls me, and she will, I won't feel a twinge of guilt for cuckolding you.

Then there's the mis-guided, tragi-comic futility of Don Quixote. I call this 'Work'. If I couldn't laugh at work, my spirit would have been broken decades ago. Unlike Don , I mostly don't give a shit about my jobs. It's just something else to complain about-like a weird, unexplained rash or daylight saving time. I can eke out a sustenance-level existence fairly easily- if I really cared about money and objects, I'd probably be well-to-do. But I don't and I'm not. So what?
Gimme my guitar. Gimme some bandwith. Keep your hair implants. Keep your nubile trophy mistress.

Most of all, keep yourself company, since everyone who knows you hates and/or uses you.

7 comments:

Canopenner said...

thats rather pessimistic.

Susannity! (Susanne) said...

While we were in Scottsdale, our friends' mom who is a real estate person, was taking us around to see some places. Her husband, our friend's dad, left her after 30 years of marriage. OMFG! She said her mistake was buying him a convertible mercedes for his 50th bday. =) Apparently there are a lot of golddiggers in Scottsdale, young firm things with money on the mind. But she said that it ended up all good because her hubbie was job focused and her new hubbie is family focused. Her ex is with a young 20-something now. I know I'll sound corny, but I think true love is the center. My husband is taoist, and his "center" is me and the kids. All decisions stem from our centers. Our ambitions, etc all do too. That was the main reason he turned down the Scottsdale job, as it would require him to sacrifice center for materialism. I guess my point is that it may seem doomed, lost, or misguided, but I think I am most fortunate. I hope you find a nice older lady who makes you feel you playing air guitar is the coolest thing in the whole world. =)

Allan said...

You and your family are very fortunate. It all boils down to being able to share a mutual center, does it not?

Susannity! (Susanne) said...

if making your center the other, then the cycle of center comes into play. if it is external to that, then it does come down more to sharing a center, like for example those that have religious centers, or materialism centers, etc.
damn, i delete my blog cause my time is all gone and today i actually had time in the am and pm. good grief. =)

Allan said...

By saying "sharing a center" I meant spending time together in the same de-tox center, or perhaps an adjoining padded suite on the Fifth Floor of Central State Hospital.
I'm philosophicaly impaired (dumb),but I think I hear what you are saying.

You know, if you are going to dedicate your time to good deeds, you should blog about it. Set a good example.

Helping people leaves one drained, but replenished. How contadictory- but it's true. Writing is a great release.

Almost as good as Valium. Better, really.

Susannity! (Susanne) said...

no one would probably read it. =/

Allan said...

I'd read it.